Monday, May 23, 2011
My blog today is not a cheery one so please be warned!!
My youngest daughter (25) went into hospital on Friday 13th May after 6 months of being told there was nothing wrong with her apart from a tummy bug (this was the latest diagnosis!) She was even told it was post natal depression (her baby is 7 months old)
Less than 4 hours after admission she was told that there was a 99% chance it was cancer, on Sunday she was diagnosed with stage 4 hodgkins lymphoma, she has two children under 2
Now a lot of us would cry (rightly so!), scream, wonder how long we have left, all of the emotions that hit us like a high speed train.
After the shock on Friday where she said she didn't think she'd see her son's 2nd birthday in 3 weeks time she asked the doctor long term questions! He said take it a day at a time, she said 'no, I'm planning long term not just tomorrow'.
On Sunday she said to me 'it doesn't matter if I miss his birthday this year mum, I'll have plenty more with him', this almost broke my heart in 2. She doesn't want me crying, she even phoned me to tell me to tell her sister to stop crying and saying she loves her as she's not dying! We tell each other every day that we love each other (all 3 of us), we always have.
She now faces 24 weeks of chemo and is most worried about how her eldest child K will feel about seeing his mother without hair, we plan on buying the best wig possible!
The cancer specialist told her she was the bravest person he had met- she said 'will crying cure my cancer? No, so why waste my energy on tears that do nothing, I have a battle on my hands that I intend to win'
She still has the most amazing sense of humour and is still the same stubborn, headstrong girl she's always been. What makes this harder is she lives in Ireland and the rest of us live on the mainland making visits difficult. I asked her who she wants me to tell, her response- no one who hasn't spoken to me since I moved 4 years ago, I don't need their pity mum, I need positive people who will stay strong for me
Some people have asked her if she will sue the doctor who misdiagnosed- her response was- I'm not wasting energy on that, they will never make the same mistake again so another family will be saved the pain I am going through
She can't have much pain relief as the cancer is also in her liver (lymph nodes) so she is doing most of this without pain relief. She laughed with the irony of the 1st meal she ate in 8 weeks was the night before chemo which will make her sick!
She was a wild child in her teens but turned her life completely around, even getting away from her violent partner, she told her sister ' I got away from him, the physical and mental abuse only for cancer to have a go'.
She went on facebook and stated that she went into hospital with what she thought was an upset stomach only to be told she has stage 4 hodgkins, she warned others not to take the first diagnosis if the doctor showed disinterest
Now my goal is to be the fittest possible to help her with the children and her battle, if she can beat cancer, I can beat the fat!!
My daughter says that she has to do the physical side of the battle alone but the emotional side with the family, I'm going to ensure that I'll be there for every battle with her
She is the true inspiration to me, the bravest girl I could ever know. My fighter, my winner.