This past Friday the 20th was trash pick up day & boy I made the most of it!! I have been struggling the most @ night with my eating. My Husband works nights & is a full time student. We also just have one car @ the time being. So to make a long story short, I spend a lot of time by myself stuck @ home. I use this time to be destructive & use food for companionship & just eat out of boredom.
I'll fight with myself for a couple of hours to get through it & then I'll just give in. This will go on ALL NIGHT!! I'll have a good day the next day if i'm lucky & then the next 2 will be sh!t! The only good thing I have been doing is getting exercise EVERYDAY, which I will add, I'M VERY PROUD OF!
Anyway back to Friday, I was sitting & thinking AFTER I stuffed my face with junk, that I CANNOT do this ANYMORE! I made the commitment to myself to put this nonsense behind me & move on to a healthier life, not another dead end diet. I'm tired of struggling with myself over food. I don't have just one trigger food, it's just food in general that I struggle with. It doesn't matter if it's a frozen dinner @ 4am or a fruit salad, I just need to eat!
I got up off the couch, went into the kitchen, grabbed a trash bag & started emptying out the refrigerator & then the cupboards. I filled the whole trashbag, took it outside & dumped it in the can!
My husband came home the next morning to the only thing I saved for him, turkey dogs on whole wheat buns, everything else was GONE!! I sat & told him all of my struggles while he is away & how I ALWAYS turn to food, I CANNOT CONTROL myself & I cannot live like this ANYMORE!!
He agreed that if it's an issue then it doesn't need to be in the house. We'll just keep the essentials as far as food goes NOTHING EXTRA! We went to the farmers market, bought tons of fresh fruit & veggies. I made a KILLER chicken veggie soup this weekend that is all natural baby!!
I have NO CHOICE but to eat healthy,it's the only thing in the house now. I spent this weekend eating to my hearts content, not fighting with myself. If I wanted something, I got up & got it. I didn't feel bad after eating it, so there was no need to beat myself up over it. I hope that with these new changes, I can make the commitment to be true to myself & not go back to my old ways!!
This is what comes to my mind when I look down the road of what I want my eating to be. I don't want to be 20 years from now still fighting with myself when I want to eat some thing. I WANT TO EAT IT, be done with it & if want more, get up & have more, not feel guilty about it!