Saturday, May 21, 2011
Today was supposed to be the Rapture. Now I can’t say that I even for one second thought it would really happen, but it did freak me out a bit that I had a dream last night that it happened. Guess what I was left here on earth…not a big surprise. I did find myself today close to tears. See the only good I could imagine about the rapture didn’t happen.
Don’t get me wrong one day after I have lived a very, very, very long life I do expect to die and go to …where ever, but I love life and don’t want to leave anytime soon. To me life is like pizza….even when it’s bad it’s good. After my dream I couldn’t stop thinking about what if…what if the rapture really happened. Then the next thought (unconsciously) was I could be with you my baby I never got a chance to meet. Now I find myself on the verge of tears and I know they will be coming out I’m just trying hard to contain them until the kids have gone to bed. I can’t help but fantasizing “I was this close”. I miss you so much and I wish I could just hold you just for a minute just to smell you and touch you and count your toes and fingers. I can’t help but think that religion has once again let me down. Then I look at my children here on earth with me and I am grateful I’m still here. I’m torn…..why is life so damn complicated?