Friday, May 20, 2011
So it has a been a LONG time since I've been on Sparkpeople. It's been even longer since I've posted a blog. And sadly, since I stopped logging on to SP, I've managed to gain another 20 lbs or so. And that's okay.
I've been through a lot of stress this year. I've been involved in some not so healthy relationships with friends, men, and food. But it's okay.
I've been more financially stressed this year than I have ever been in my life. And so are my family and friends. But it's okay.
I've felt like such a failure, very inadequate, and unaccomplished for the first 5 months of 2011. I haven't been able to catch my footing. It just seems like if something does go my way, 10 other things happen that knock the wind out of me. But it's okay.
You see, someone asked me if I believed that I deserve to have the life I dream of having. If I believe that I deserve to be fit and athletic? If I deserve to have a healthy and happy marriage? If I deserve to have a career that I love? If I deserve to love my life?
And the craziest thing happened. Instead of responding with a resounding "YES!" I actually started thinking of reasons I didn't deserve to be happy. But then I heard a sermon and the pastor said that just because you mess up, that does not disqualify you from receiving from God. He used Prince Harry and Prince William for an example. I think Harry was the Wild Child and William was the good son. That pastor said that just because Harry may have messed up, he didn't lose his position as a prince. He has a royal blood line and nothing can disqualify him from his destiny. God works exactly the same way! We can never mess up so badly that God refuses us the desires of our hearts. All we have to do is ask for it and believe that we deserve it. God will do the rest!
So I'm at a place where I can confidently say, "Yes, I deserve to love my life! I deserve to have the things I want! I deserve to wake up EVERY MORNING in love with Jesus and the life he's blessed me with! I deserve to feel beautiful in my own skin no matter what size I am! I deserve to love and be loved! I deserve to be healthy and athletic! And I am worth the time it takes to achieve the things I deserve!!!
Since I know what I deserve, I don't feel the need to see a 10 lb weight loss in 3 days in order for me to remain motivated. I'm going to enjoy the process of what I have to do to obtain it. And I will NEVER let Satan fill my mind with thoughts of inadequacy. I will never think that happiness is for other people and not for me. I plan to enjoy every single blessing that God has for me no matter what is going on in the world around me.
And if, by chance, I happen to make a few mistakes along the way...It's okay!!! I know that I still deserve the best!!!
Be blessed, SP!