Friday, May 20, 2011
This has been and interesting week in the mental game of weight loss. I have embraced things that I have resisted for years. I think now I can admit to myself and embrace the reality that I neglected myself and gained so much weight as a punishment for flunking out of USAF flight school. I was a supersonic jet pilot a week from graduation and I flunked out. Not really because of my flying, although I could have been better. But really I was a mental wreck and I made myself a pariah in some circles of the community. It was stupid and I punished myself for it by neglecting myself.
That is not to say that all the other things I have talked about and dealt with over the years was not also true. I did not like, and my husband really did not either, having men hitting on me on a regular basis. I was surrounded by men in my flying and in my engineering work, and some men are pigs. ( thinking about a certain Frenchman in the news this week).
Anyway the mental admission has been so uplifting I feel like a different person. I have a lightness of being that feels almost drug induced. I have had a feeling of "OK now I CAN turn this around in a way I have not before."
Of course that does have me a bit scared too nothing like the whiff of promise to freak out an overweight person. You know- What if it does not last? -- But I am living in the here and now. That is all I can do - the things that I can do today to further success. no projection onto tomorrow and regretting yesterday. Just today.
I wish you peace and understanding. Have a great day.