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    RAYLINSTEPHENS   242,727
200,000-249,999 SparkPoints


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Thank you all for your support - Pop decided this morning that he's had enough. I have known it was coming for months now. Dialysis 3X week isn't easy. And taking 15 medicines daily is a chore. Even getting the Fistula was rough on him - 3 surgeries to get it right. He just doesn't "bounce back" anymore.

He decided and I will not fight him. Hospice comes tomorrow to talk and evaluate him. One day at a time. I figure he has time to change his mind until next week - after Monday it will no longer be reversible I fear. He is just always too tired and he misses Mom more every day. He deserves to be able to decide for himself and to leave this world with as much dignity as possible.

I believe in quality of life. Sadly, at 88 he no longer has much quality in life left to him.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CHRYS13 5/21/2011 10:59AM

    Thinking of you always....
In prayer for you and your Pop emoticon

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JOEYKTTN 5/20/2011 1:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Sill sending prayers, for peace & strength.

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BLESSEDGIGI 5/20/2011 10:11AM

    You and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers. He is blessed to have such a loving and understanding daughter. emoticon

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RUFFIT 5/20/2011 10:07AM

    You are in my many prayers. Moni emoticon emoticon

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ANDREWS_MOM 5/20/2011 8:11AM

    Prayers & hugs to both you & your father and rest of the family.
I think about you often.
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HEALTHY4ME 5/20/2011 6:36AM

    So sorry but I do understand where he is coming from. I am waiting for the day dad says that, He will well enough at this time but he too misses mum.
I know you will enjoy your time and make it all as positive as you can for all of you involved. HUGS

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NEW-CAZ 5/20/2011 4:00AM

    I am so sorry to read this Linda.
My thoughts are with you hun, treasure the time you have left together.
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LIBBYFITZ 5/20/2011 1:46AM

    emoticon to you and your dad. I am thinking of you at this time. It is so hard as our parents age and decisions have to be made. I so respect you for allowing your dad to have his dignity and decide for himself when he is ready to leave this world. emoticon

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DIANESMILES 5/20/2011 12:51AM

    Sweet Linda, during this very difficult time,,, say ALL you want to say,,, enjoy the little laughter you can, the wisdom your Dad passes on you,, listen to all he tells you,,, tell him all the things YOU want to say. At 88, yes you do get tired hon when the body breaks down, though at the same time, you really don't want to say good bye. You know hon, I am also going though this with Mum, and hospice is being so WONDERFUL to ALL of us with such SUPPORT and LOVING care,

I wish you nothing but completness. Hold hands hon, hold hands, hug if your both huggy, my Dad and I are very huggy.

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TUDI4480 5/20/2011 12:19AM

    Linda, My thoughts are with you and yours. This poem brought me comfort. I hope it brings comfort to you. I want to thank you for acknowledging and respecting your father's wishes. That is so important in so many ways.

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my
side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of
beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until
at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just
where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”

“Gone where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large
in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left
my side and she is just as able to bear the load of
living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side
says: “There, she is gone!” There are other eyes
watching her coming, and other voices ready to
take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!”

And that is dying.

-Henry Van Dyke

emoticon emoticon

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BLUESKY104 5/19/2011 11:12PM

    emoticon to you at this time Linda
You and your Pop are in my prayers emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAWDOT35 5/19/2011 10:51PM

    I'm sorry, Linda. I can imagine that he is just tired and worn out. He may feel different on Monday. May God be with you and your Dad during this difficult time.

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JERSEYGIRL24 5/19/2011 10:35PM

    What a sad position you are in, but I can totally relate. I seriously hope this is not driven primarily by the incontinence, but it sounds like that is not the case.

What an absolute angel you are, Linda!!! At least you can know that you had two fantastic parents and that you in turn were the best daughter they could have hoped for. I am sitting here on the verge of tears, especially when I think of him missing your mom.

Love you so much,


n> emoticon emoticon

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BARNABABY1 5/19/2011 10:10PM

    I completely agree with your philosophy and will be thinking of you and your Dad daily! emoticon

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MSLZZY 5/19/2011 10:03PM

    May God be merciful to him in this challenge he faces-hugs!

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2PONDS 5/19/2011 9:54PM

    Linda, Once again I have to say what a wonderful daughter your are!!!! You respect your Dad's decision but I know how much it hurts you to let him go and lose him!! My thoughts are with you!!!! emoticon to my friend emoticon

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CLEVERSPIDER 5/19/2011 9:31PM

    Sorry to hear that. emoticon

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    You are both in my prayers my friend. emoticon

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KINSBAILE 5/19/2011 8:45PM

    I admire your respect for you dad. That's his decision and I feel he's justified. I wouldn't want to do that 3 times a week either. *HUGS*

I am glad Hospice is coming.

Hang in there, you're so strong!

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GRALLEN 5/19/2011 8:44PM

    Aw sweetie, my heart goes out to you and your Dad. I agree it needs to ultimately be their decision. My thoughts are with you.

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MEADSBAY 5/19/2011 8:30PM

    A few of my elder care clients, and my beloved MIL, made this decision for themselves.
What brave people.
We need to be strong for them.
Sounds like you know that already.


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OLDERDANDRT 5/19/2011 8:26PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon I'm here if you just want to talk, my friend. My shoulders are wide that you can lean on.

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LOPEYP 5/19/2011 8:21PM


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WORKTHEGOAL 5/19/2011 8:09PM

    He may not have the quality of life but with your support he can at least have a great amount of dignity.


10k steps a day

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FORMYDARLINGS 5/19/2011 7:58PM

    Linda , emoticon emoticon emoticon for you and your pop,


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SYLVIALYNN2 5/19/2011 7:47PM

    Linda, I know this will be hard on your Dad, you and your family. My prayers will be with you.

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MARTY19 5/19/2011 7:22PM

    I am very sad to read this, but I love the fact that you are letting him make the choice.
that has to be so difficult and loving at the same time. My heart is with you.


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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 5/19/2011 6:16PM

I'm with you on your Dad's right to make such a decision. There comes a time when the quality of life is so diminished. I think my dad would make the same decision if he had the chance...dementia has robbed his life of just about all forms of joy. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hospice will help provide a death with dignity.

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SEDONACAT 5/19/2011 5:37PM

I am so sorry and really know what you're going thru since my sis just died in April after going thru everything (treatments) for cancer. Finally, she said "enough". It was hard for her daughter to accept but she had the right to make that decision and be supported in it.

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BRENDAB1970 5/19/2011 5:30PM


I know what you are going through. I have a good friend of over 30 yrs who I have reconnected with that I found out a couple years ago when we reconnected has been going through dialysis for the past 9-10 yrs so I hope for all the best for you & your family. I know we do not know each other personally but you are in my thoughts & prayers.

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    Oh, I nearly burst into tears! My Dad is also 88 years old, and I just tremble at the thought of him passing. He is my step dad, but he's the BEST Dad I could have EVER had! He has heart trouble, and well, *sigh*... you know how it is...I'll be thinking of you, and your Dad, my sweet friend... emoticon

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