Thursday, May 19, 2011
Let's see...it's been a while.
I haven't blogged in such a long time. In fact I think the last time I blogged was the last time I truly felt like I was in charge of this weight-loss situation, and then all these things started happening, one after the other, and I sorta maintained for a while, then I lost my job the last day of March, and things went kind of wonky. Let me start there...
On March 31, I was called into my manager's office and put onto a conference call, where a very nice woman named Jenny from HR politely told me that my position had been eliminated. It wasn't a complete shock, but I was the only one in my department, and it was immediate. Honestly, it felt like being fired more than laid off, but they framed it as a lay off. My manager then escorted me back to my desk where I had to pack in record time, and then he walked me to my car, took my security badge and wished me luck in the future.
I had been with the company for almost 15 years. I started when I was 19 years old, it was all I knew. Don't get me wrong, I hated working there, the politics, the ridiculous things that happened. And over the course of the last two years my company had been outsourcing our jobs to the Philippines, so I had been preparing myself for this mentally for a while. But I wasn't being let go with a large group of people...I was walked out the door alone. I didn't even have time to say good-bye to the people around me because they did it at noon which is when most people are out to lunch. And just like that...I was in the unemployment line.
I've been working since I am 13...I've never really been without a job...maybe for a few weeks, maybe a month or two at most, but when that happened I was in college, so this is the first time in my adult life I am not working. I am collecting unemployment, and I feel like such a slacker. April started out very badly. I felt ashamed. I wasn't gainfully employed, and as it turns out, I make more money collecting unemployment right now than I would if I took a starting position with another company. If there were actually other companies to take a starting position with...which there aren't, because I've been looking. So, I applied for Unemployment, and even have gone so far as to apply for TAA benefits which will pay for a certain amount of schooling. But the impact of having 24 free hours in a day...it just played with my mind. You would think having more time would be a blessing, but it wasn't. My schedule went bye-bye. I wasn't sleeping right, and I wasn't getting enough water, and I stared eating what I wanted, and slowly...weight started to creep up.
Then my boyfriend came to visit. And the first day he got here....he proposed. Which, I will be honest, wasn't a huge shock. We'd been discussing marriage for a few months, but still, I was (and am) so happy. And the 10 days he was here were a whirlwind. Every single day was packed with things...he met every single member of my family, we ate out every single day he was here, we wedding planned. It was a whole lot of craziness. And I didn't deny myself a thing. We celebrated my Birthday while he was here and not only did I eat a gigantic pasta dinner, I also ate dessert, and had a few drinks. It was food madness. He went back home to Canada on May 1....the week following that was more family birthdays and me consoling myself that SO was gone back home. Not to mention I had been messing with my pill to move TOM, and that COMPLETELY messed with my emotional well being. recipe for disaster.
So...skip to now. I bought a wedding dress. It's beautiful. It's not something I thought I would ever do...ask anyone, I was never the marrying type. It's all really bizarre. I am still grappling with not having a job. And I am planning a semi-traditional wedding (SO. Many. Details. Ugh.). A lot of stuff. But I need to own up...I've gained weight. I have no right to the 90lbs lost award. I've taken it off my page for the time being. I've also adjusted my tracker. It's time.
I've been back on point with my food since last Monday...just over a week. Already, I see my weight dropping back down to where it belongs. I started with a running group yesterday, and I took a walk today, running again tomorrow, and on Saturday too. I might also join my Aunt for water Zumba (who knew??) one day a week. I feel like things have fallen back into place. I am trying to make a schedule within all this free time for myself. I work better in a schedule.
I am making a go of this....my wedding is in October, and I want to be at goal by then...I am willing to do the work. Let's do this!