With the exception of my rock-solid husband, we have a pretty quirky family. It's not unusual for my daughter to come out of the bathroom wearing a Marie Antoinette wig, or for my son to try and teach his guinea pig how to play xBox. If you've read any of my blogs, you probably realize I'm a bit of a spaz. We believe in flying our freak flags high. But until a couple of weeks ago, I didn't believe in flying my ticker quite as high.
You know what I'm talking about, the weight loss ticker at the bottom of our profiles? At first, I was petrified to display it. Then, I got a little braver and set it to show pounds lost. I thought, "No way will I ever be brave enough to show my actual weight." When I realized we had to post our weight on the team page for the 5% challenge, I started sweating it. You know why? Because I started playing the "am I the biggest person in the room" game. Have you played? I've played for years, especially at the water park. I'd suck it up, pretend like I wasn't actually wearing a swimsuit in public, and say to myself-"Pleasepleasepleaseplea
se, don't let me be the biggest woman here."
Old habits kicked in, and I found myself wandering around SP, checking to see how I stacked up, so to speak. Fortunately, my newfound SparkJedi mind powers helped me see things from an entirely different perspective. Sure, I found plenty of people way smaller than I am. But I also saw awards on their pages--100 lbs., 50 lbs., 20 lbs. lost. I started looking at their before and after pics. (Yes, I'm a full-fledged SparkStalker.) I read the encouraging blogs and the notes people left them. And I finally realized, "A lot of these people have been exactly where I am." And none of them were judging anybody; on the contrary, it was the exact opposite.
It took a while for that to sink in, for me to realize that this really is a safe place to say "those numbers" out loud. And so I did it. I hoisted my ticker on my page, for all to see. And know what? Almost immediately, a team member said we were about the same size and we should race each other. All of sudden, I didn't feel like the embarrassed woman at the water park. I felt like the 9 year old girl on the playground. I'm not ashamed anymore. This is me, where I am, right now, not where I'll be forever.
Don't be afraid to fly your freak flag, to hoist your ticker proudly on your page. The people standing under you are cheering you on; the people next to you are racing, shoulder to shoulder; and the people above you are looking to you for encouragement. So fly, little ticker, long may you wave!