Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday I took my last final of my 1L (first year) career. I did very well my first semester, landing in the top 6% of my class. Some might think that this would take some of the stress off: thinking that success in your first semester would help you feel at ease for your second. While it felt great and was very reassuring to know that my hard work was paying off and knowing that I have what it takes to do well, there was more to it. I had a whole new pressure: stay in the top ten percent and even better, climb into the top five percent. This would help me in several ways. First it would help me transfer to a school in LA where my partner Ali lives. Second, it would get me a better scholarship if I stay at TJSL. And third, it would allow me to be given a spot on the Law Review at TJSL, which is a very good thing to have in law school. Additionally, the school puts out a list of names of people who have done well; and as a result my classmates all expect a lot from me this time around. Some of my classmates also began to hate me and I lost a few people who I thought were 'friends'. No friend treats you like that!
So, with all the added stress and pressure I headed into finals prep about a month ago. I found out that I am definitely a stress eater. The more stressed I felt, the more I ate. I was trying to work out some to compensate, but with the time constraints and the amount I was eating it was not enough! By finals week my eating was out of hand. Along with my birthday and mother's day with my mom in town my eating got worse and worse. I wound up eating well over 2,000 calories a day (at least).
At the beginning of the semester I had lost ten pounds and was 134 pounds and eating really well. 7 days ago I braved the scale and found that I was now 144.5 pounds. Yep, I gained 10 pounds right back. I was really upset. But, not much could be done at that point as I was right in finals week. I did go for a five mile run, a yoga sesh, and a two mile run... but I was still eating badly.... really badly.
As of yesterday I started counting calories again. I am using the spark nutrition tracker. The new style is great! It takes a lot less time to do it. I am not taking summer school this summer so I am going to make it my goal to at least get back to 134 or even better, reach my goal weight of 124 by August. I will still have some work to do, repairing areas of my life that had to be neglected during school and working on transfer applications. Other than those tasks my main job will be getting back on track with my weight loss. I think it is key not to get down about it but to remember that it is a journey. I think that ups and downs, even big ones, must be accepted and forgiven in order to move forward with a healthy life.
I am told your 1L year is the toughest and that while it is still challenging in your second and third years, the first is the worst. I hope that this is true, and if not, I really need to figure out a better way to deal with my stress than food!