Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I don't really spend too much time on self-reflection. However, if you are on a journey to a healthier lifestyle, it does help to take a look back and see just how the hell you got here in the first place. In the spirit of that, I spent my walk today wandering the paths of memory, reminiscing about the person I used to be. And it has occurred to me that I have lost something important.
Anyone who has only known me as an adult might be surprised to find that I used to dance. A lot. Dance classes, recitals, and time spent dancing at the Renaissance Festival with a troupe when I was younger and then dances in junior high and high school, not to include the radio-blasting gyrations I did just doing my daily chores. I've always been shy, socially awkward even, to be honest, but for some reason I had the ability to slip out of that while the music played, leave my natural inclination to blend into the walls behind and just move. Something inside me craved that freeing experience, the laying down of burdens, letting my mind go and my body take over. For just a little while, I was happy and carefree.
Now comes years of bodily neglect, weak asthmatic lungs, deconditioned muscles, a smothering layer of fat, and fatigue brought on by eating all the wrong things and none of the right. It makes me wonder. Will I ever find that free-spirited girl again who could shed her inhibitions when the music played?
Honestly, I don't think so. She's gone.
However, I still stand a chance of finding the woman she should have grown into. And she is someone I really want to meet.