Monday, May 16, 2011
Everyone of us have to get over their "wall". It can come in many forms. Some are physical. Some are emotional. Then there is my wall. The mental wall. I have struggled with it my whole life. Let me explain.
Rewind a bit to this morning. It was a beautiful day. Sunny and blue skies. I left the house for a run. The route I run takes me alone wooded paths and around a lake. With the temps being at 49 it was perfect conditions. After a couple of technical glitches with my tracking app I was off. It was really fun. I still have a hard time with that thought. Running fun? Yep I know. Who da thunk? The first half was going really well and as I crossed over the first mile mark there it was. The wall. I started into my third running interval and after about a minute I ran right into it. My breathing became harder, my legs started to feel heavy and the voice that has followed me over the years (don't worry it's not that kind of voice) started to tell me I should stop. That I couldn't do it. That I was over doing it.
I'll return you to your regularly scheduled run recap in just a moment.
This mental wall has stopped me from doing a lot of things in my life. I didn't play sports when I was a kid because the voice told me I couldn't do it. I didn't date much when I was younger because the voice said that know one would want me. I past up job opportunities because the voice said that I didn't deserve it. If you haven't caught on yet, Voice is not nice.
Sorry for the interruption, now back to the recap.
So as I was running the inner battle began. It kept telling me to stop and the words of so many of you kept coming to my mind; "you can do it", "don't give up", and my favorite lately "Dig Deeper" (TACONES you continually inspire me). I pushed through. On the fourth cycle of intervals I came to a point where I stopped running early. And about 5 seconds later my running app told me to change intervals to a walk. Why did I stop! Three more strides and I would have made it! As I entered my last cycle of intervals I was ending on a run. With a minute left I felt the weight of the wall coming down on me. The voice told me that I had done enough. But I refused to let it stop me. I dug deep and I focused my attention forward on the point I figured I be at the end of the run and I kept me eyes fixed on the prize and the voice faded.
This afternoon I was reading some other peoples blogs and TACONES posted something along these same lines. She said, "I am learning that this lifestyle change is really 80% mental and everything else is about 20%. If I am mentally ready then I can challenge myself to do what I want to do. " This is so true. I have lost this mental battle more times than I care to admit. But no more. I am committed to the process. I will know longer give the voice a pulpit to speak from again.
This will not end today. I know that the wall is still in front of me. But this time I am not turning and running away. I have a plan my grip is set and I have a good footing. I will keep climbing as long as I need to until I am over it. Then I will be unstoppable. That excites me.
By the way, I came home from the run and after dropping my wife off at work I did 40 min with Biggest Losser Workout Max Cardio. Take that voice!