Thursday, May 12, 2011
Hooray, I just heard from Social Security Disability that my application was approved on the first try! This rarely happens. Most folks are denied several times and then have to go in front of a judge.
The sobering thought is that I am very ill and will not get better. I will not die from this chronic illness but I have to get used to the idea that I can not do what my brain tells me that it wants to do. I was a very active person. I ran, I rode my bike, I coached youth baseball and travel softball teams for 8 years. I was the person who taught my sons and daughter how to catch and throw and hit. I was the one who would go on the waterslide rides at the amusement parks and walk around for hours and hours at Cedar Point. I planted a big veggie garden every year and tended the crops and made big, beautiful healthy meals for my family. I am mourning the fact that this energy level will never return to me. I have to plan my days around my fatigue level.
My hope now is that this new set of IV medicines will restore some of my energy so that I can enjoy some of my former active lifestyle just in small bursts. I know that if I go for a bike ride, that I will not be able to cook or garden for several days. If I want to go to the fair, or a Cleveland Indians ball game, I will have to use a wheelchair to get around the park.
But there are things I can do to have a full life...It is not at all what I had planned, but there is joy to be found in life,,, just at a much slower pace.
So for today, I am going to Home Depot to buy veggies for my garden. The middle school boy down the street is my personal gardener. He comes and takes care of my heavy lifting needs and my husband does the rest. All I need to do is monitor the garden and every once in a while pull the weeds.