Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I guess they can't all be pleasant, or I wouldn't have an issue with my weight and health, right? After an uncomfortable conversation with my husband this morning, I realized how much I'm still using food as an emotional crutch. How I use it to soothe something inside that I haven't even acknowledged is troubling me. How I use my weight to keep away unwanted attention, or even maybe wanted attention. Hard stuff to think and talk about. And I'm so lucky my husband is understanding and compassionate.
I'm one of these people who "has such a pretty face and eyes", and I guess maybe I'm scared of what would happen if the rest of me followed. I was at a weight, once, where I felt awesome and looked amazing. And those were the worst times of my life. I think I didn't know how to act, since I had never been an adult without a weight issue. I'm hiding behind food, and I know I need to get to the bottom of it. Or I'll never have the gumption to lose it. I lost 100 pounds and kept it off for about 4 years, so I know I can do it. Sigh. No wonder people want pills or surgery. But those things would never last with an emotional eater.
So what next? I never like to leave things without an action plan. Heh. I need to explore this. I can't really with a counselor since I have no job or money now, but I have Geneen Roth and her books. I think step 1 is to revisit her books. And really think about food before and during when I'm eating it. Ok, there it is. Step 1!