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    HMEGLI   14,699
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Uncomfortable Self Discovery


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I guess they can't all be pleasant, or I wouldn't have an issue with my weight and health, right? After an uncomfortable conversation with my husband this morning, I realized how much I'm still using food as an emotional crutch. How I use it to soothe something inside that I haven't even acknowledged is troubling me. How I use my weight to keep away unwanted attention, or even maybe wanted attention. Hard stuff to think and talk about. And I'm so lucky my husband is understanding and compassionate.

I'm one of these people who "has such a pretty face and eyes", and I guess maybe I'm scared of what would happen if the rest of me followed. I was at a weight, once, where I felt awesome and looked amazing. And those were the worst times of my life. I think I didn't know how to act, since I had never been an adult without a weight issue. I'm hiding behind food, and I know I need to get to the bottom of it. Or I'll never have the gumption to lose it. I lost 100 pounds and kept it off for about 4 years, so I know I can do it. Sigh. No wonder people want pills or surgery. But those things would never last with an emotional eater.

So what next? I never like to leave things without an action plan. Heh. I need to explore this. I can't really with a counselor since I have no job or money now, but I have Geneen Roth and her books. I think step 1 is to revisit her books. And really think about food before and during when I'm eating it. Ok, there it is. Step 1!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FEISTYOWL 5/15/2011 1:39PM

    This really resonates with me! I felt like I was reading my inner thoughts.

It sounds like you have a plan - being aware of an issue is always the first step! Once you are aware then it'll be in your mind more often.

I think it is so hard to deal with stuff like this - because by nature we already are 'soothing' ourselves with something so we can ignore the issue. And, for me at least, that almost happens without thought.

I hope to work through this too. Good for you for writing about it - that's another healthy step! Look you've already done two positive things without even knowing it!

I wish you the best of luck, and I'll be checking in to see how it's going - because I'm right there with you.
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BRWNNTWN 5/11/2011 2:50PM

    Hang in there! Go slow - one step at a time - make a healthy change this time! emoticon

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1_OF_5 5/11/2011 11:54AM

    Well you're certainly in the right community to get the support. I highly recommend setting some short term goals that are not difficult to achieve. Its amazing how well the body and mind respond to achieving goals you have set for yourself. From there, just keep increasing the difficulty of your goals and before you know it you'll be on your way.

I can empathize with what you have written here. The difference is that I spend the last decade or so hiding in a bottle of liquor. I'm almost 1 year sober, but I started eating emotionally instead. So here I am working my tail off to face my demons and get my life in order.

It takes hard work, but it CAN be done!

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