Day 4: Whats Holding Me Back?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wow, I made today fantastic.
I woke up early when my little niece woke up, got her settled watching Dora the Explorer with a sippy cup of milk and hopped on the exercise bike. I pushed myself to new limits with a harder program then I have been doing lately and completed all 30 minutes of it! By the time Dora made it to the Big Big Hill I had as well.
That made for a fantastic start to what would prove to be a trying day at work. But while I was standing there I began to think: I have tried, and failed to lose this weight for over a year now. Granted its been on and off again effort but I have been trying. So what is the problem?
Well, I know its a problem inside me, and I don't mean medically. I have always been shy and introverted. I keep many things bottled up. Things maybe I shouldn't keep to myself. But I fear confrontation. I strive to make everyone around me happy and I often neglect myself in my effort to do so. It is easy to say that I will stop that, but the truth is its harder to stop then one would expect. It is almost like an addiction, pleasing others.
I think I use my weight as an excuse to be shy. I have never had a romantic relationship, and I hide my uncertainty between my weight and the conviction that no one could ever love me. Its all nonsense of course, but it is a convenient excuse. I know I can be so much more then I am, if I stop letting silly things hold me back.
After work I got another 30 minutes of exercise in and now I'm exhausted, but very pleased with myself. Even took the ankle biters to the park but it was too cold to stay too long. Judging by the whining and tears I succeeded in my mission of wearing them out though.
Looking for another fantastic day tomorrow!