Friday, May 06, 2011
The addiction of nicotine knows no boundaries so they (experts) say. Well, today I just set my boundary - no more will I put a bunch of dead leaves in my mouth and light them on fire.
I came home from the track yesterday after 3 miles and lit a damn cigarette - my husband could not believe I could be so stupid! Okay, stupid is as stupid does and I am an idiot. I have smoked off and on since I was about 17, take off for 3 or 4 years here and there - pregnancies (2) and then a 3 year stint.
It would be easy to blame it on my older brother. I was doing great until my younger brother was diagnosed with brain cancer and died a short 9 months later - I didn't understand - how could someone so good die at the age of 42 - so I asked my older brother for a cigarette - at the time it seemed rational - if you're going to die - might as well go out smoking - my brother had no real bad habits and look what happened. Fourteen years have since passed - I have lost half of our original seven members of my family - quitting has been easy, I did it on a biweekly basis.
At 59, it is time - I stopped enjoying it years ago - now it is just an expensive habit that I no longer need - getting my energy level up, my weight down (lost 14 pounds since I changed my eating habits, notice I am not saying diet), are now my main focus. It appears I may live a while yet and I want to be as healthy and happy as I can to enjoy my grandkids, kids, and hobbies that I enjoy. I was fortunate enough to retire young - now I need to work on me! And that means saying goodbye to the only vice I have - cigarettes!!