After a teacher retirement tea, it brought back old feelings of belonging to a group of teachers, then finding a new way of living without the daily interaction and scheduled day. So many have grandchildren they're taking care of or involved with often. Some seem to be thriving and the new retirees are just into surviving in the transition of the last month.

I had some yogurt and a light lunch before the tea, hoping to have some fruit at the tea. But no, all they had was cookies and a sweet punch. So I was starved when I finally got home and had my dinner, which was on plan.

After thinking about how much my life had changed, and trying to figure out what I want with the rest of my life, it was an emotional retrospective roller coaster.

Then I went to our small church group and listened to all of the other couples talk about their times with their grandchildren. (I don't have any grandchildren, but love children.) The discussion around the table involves their children and last night it was treat sign up. I used to take my own dessert, then the group went with my idea of bringing our own treats and sharing. This plan ended this year and again they went back to the idea of bringing healthier treats for the whole group. These slowly changed to delicious high calorie desserts again.

The emphasis they put on desserts and discussion about food they have on their camping trips and what to bring to our group sundae meeting, left me frustrated. One volunteered to bring home made ice cream, which would be delicious by itself. But no, everyone will bring a variety of toppings. Last night there was a choice between red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and strawberry cheese cake tarts inside a little pie crust. I picked the cupcake, thinking I would just enjoy it the most.


I'm frustrated trying to be satisfied with a healthier way of eating surrounded by others who are knowing they need to eat healthier, but making terrible choices. They are on so much medication and all really carry about 30 - 40 pounds of extra weight, , with little consistent exercise. Just the place I was a year ago. THEN I GO HOME AND EAT MORE!

Last summer I went to several wine tasting parties with friends and had trouble letting it go with just the one night. Everyone would buy some of the wine, and after a few times, I began doing that too, and having wine at home is not a good choice for me. The wine just wets my appetite, then I eat.

I need to find a mindset that doesn't judge others for something I have such difficulty doing. I think part of this will involve finding some other outlets or activities.

On my volunteer day that I enjoy, I sometimes go in with my lunch to eat with the teachers before class begins. Other volunteers bring in a lunch to serve students and staff at this school each day, with a different church group bringing in food. Some of the volunteers are offended when I don't eat their food. If they bring in fruit or veggies or something that isn't full of calories, I do eat it. The whole staff eats it along with the students, and I watch my friend eat it all (she has diabetes and is about 80 pounds overweight). So now I've decided for the remainder of this school year, I won't eat there. If I could just eat a small amount of this type of food, just the one time each week, and the one time at our small group meeting, it wouldn't be an issue. Maybe this will come in time.

I'm happy with my progress this year, but am puzzled by how to have a social life without losing my control being around others who have lost theirs and seem to just want to continue in old habits. I still have a long ways to go in adjusting to being retired, learning how to socialize without comparing my life to others, and using food to comfort me because it really doesn't work!