Head first plunge....
Headed for a major CRASH and BURN!!
That is what i feel like anyway. I just feel like nothing i do is good enough anymore. Nothing i do will get results. I had a work trip to Atlanta this past week and gained nearly 5 lbs!! They seriously served NOTHING HEALTHY and since it was a work function I could not take off and find healthy fare. I was attending a convention with over 3,000 other folks and it literally took all my time without time to spare for myself. It certainly did not help that i was so frustrated that when we went to the Atlanta Aquarium (yes, group function) and World of Coke i got slightly intoxicated on white wine. Did i ever mention i do not drink much, usually only 1 drink every couple of months? and did i mention that i was drinking on an empty stomach? and did i mention that i never made it to the World of Coke or that i was lucky my best friend was my room mate? yeah, i am not sure i would have made it back to the hotel, let alone the room, without her. passed out before i hit the pillow!! Yes, i did.
we were on the 40th floor of the weston hotel. had to walk down 40 flights of stairs due to the overcrowded elevator situation. that was fun. oh yeah, then we had to call for help. the elevator got stuck on the 28th floor with just us 2 in it.... fun, fun. fun. security had to come and free us. i was totally laughing the whole time, jumping up and down trying to get the darn thing to move.
i have a nightly eating problem. after dinner i go right into snacking and i have to stop. i have to!! i know it now and i know it when i am doing it but it does not help. i am creeping myself out. i need a mental make over big time!! i need motivation. i need a new attitude!!!! i need a new job.
it doesn't help that i can't quit.... i have a huge trip planned in june and need to pay for it. besides... once you get used to a certain pay range, it is not easy to cut back as much as i would have to find a new job -- entry level will never pay me near what i am making. i am just so sick of the crappy work ethics of others, they HAVE NONE!!
so i get home and try to DEstress... dinner and snacking!!! i eat until my stomach is a tad over full. most of it is fruit and huge salads, but i still feel like i am overdoing it. i stay in my calorie range and i still get no results. i have tried high on the calorie range and low. but still nothing.
i am still going to the gym 3 or 4 days a week, but it does not feel the same. it does not feel effective regardless of how much i sweat and huff and puff.
i am going to try harder to be active once again. i am sorry to all my friends for being absent for so long. i feel like my absence may be a part of my problem. i need this interaction and all of you. knowing others are in this with me is a huge help for me. time is just a major issue for me.
i am so far behind on my weight loss goals it is depressing me even more. march 28th was my goal for 175 lbs. it is now may 2nd and i have also missed my april goal of 165lbs. i am 2 months behind. 3 months i have been stuck in the mud!! i have had zero movement in 3 months other than up a few, down a few.
well, i guess that is enough crying for one night. i have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.. and not particularly a fun one either. but it will end with me at the gym. perhaps i can, if for one day only, not go into snack mode after dinner tomorrow. that is my goal. i will not end the day with a full belly tomorrow. well, that is the goal anyway.
thanks to anyone out there who is listening.. you are all quite incredible.