Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Let me start by saying this is very hard thing for me to talk about & be open about. I don't feel like hearing any negative thoughts, I just need to vent and express my feelings about my pain.
Yesterday, I picked my 11 year old son up from track practice. We live in Florida & the heat index yesterday was almost 100 degrees. Now I noticed that majority of the boys on the team had their shirts off but my son didn't. So when we got in the car, I asked him "Why didn't you have your shirt off?" He replied with a soft look on his face & said "I don't know." However, I could tell from his response that he wasn't being completely honest.
So I asked him a little more & his brother said "Because he thinks he has a big stomach" and I asked my son "Is this true?" He said "Yes, he thinks he is fat because he doesn't have a 6-pack" My heart melted because I could see the hurt in his eyes
Now my son is no where near fat, this is the same child who runs cross country. He doesn't have any stomach at all. I think he sees how thin his brother is and thinks he should be thin like his 10 year old brother. Isaiah is built like a football player, you can tell once his horomones kick in that he will be ripped like football player. He feels since he can pinch his belly, that means he has belly fat & needs to lose weight.
I think maybe he sees the older kids on his track team with 6 packs & looks at himself and doesn't see how come his body isn't defined like theirs. Me & my man sat down to have a heartfelt talk with him. He helped a lot that my man could relate to body image issue b/c he used to be not defined when he was younger. Part of me feels like I talk about how big my stomach is at times & I fear he thinks his stomach will look like mine.
I really hope that our talk helped him realize that he is not overweight & that he should love his body.
I just feel part of me has let him down as his mother.
I feel maybe if I was a smaller mom that he would never see his self in a negative image or see himself as fat. I have a lot to work on over here. I can't let my self images rub off on my children, I need to really reverse how I behave or express my thoughts. I want my son's to live healthy lives but I don't want it to seem like a burden or tough part of their life.