Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I can’t believe that I let this happen, but I did. When you fall, there is only one thing to do. Get back up and move on. There’s one more thing…you can learn by your mistakes.
There’s a rule of thumb that we often refer to. Three weeks makes a habit. Well, I am proof that three weeks also un-does a habit.
At first I was really conscious…better hurry and track those meals before you forget what you had eaten. Better start writing down those meals so you can enter them in later. Better start over before you lose momentum. Better get on the scale to keep tabs on your body. Better start eating the right foods and the right portion sizes.
I kept logging in…I couldn’t bear to let that slide, too. It killed me to ‘earn a consistency trophy for three months when I was consistently not eating right. I was logging in, so I earned it. Balderdash. I didn’t earn it. The only good thing about logging in is it never let Sparkpeople wander far from my mind. At the end of this hiatus, I wasn’t signing in. I was 4 points away from 10,000, and I couldn’t have that show up in the friend feed when I had been so absent.
I’m going to share what I have been up to….not as an excuse….there is no excuse. I’m sharing because you have wondered where the heck I was and what the heck was going on.
Well, my son came home for a visit the first week in January. For 9 days or so I enjoyed his company instead of spending time every night on the computer. As soon as he left, Cathy (the sales agent in the office) headed out of town to see family. She came back for a few days, and then was out for about 10 days due to the passing of her mother in law. I was having trouble finding enough hours in the day. I then managed to pick up a cold, and it wiped me out for any extracurricular activity. My world got very hectic on February 10th. I had the pleasure of being a midwife to Allie who delivered eight, healthy Lab puppies. For the next 7 weeks I added about 2 to 3 hours of puppy care into my schedule. The puppies all went to their new homes on April 2nd. On the 8th I drove 1000 miles to deliver one of the puppies to Timothy in Charleston, SC. I spent two days with him and then drove back in time for a closing on the 13th. I made the drive down and back in one shot…23.5 hours each way (including 3.5 hour nap-20 hours of drive time).
I have monitored my slowly increasing midriff and weight gain knowing that I would wake up one day and say ‘this is it’. Well, I woke up several days and said those words, but a few hours later I was back at the sugar. Yesterday as I was driving back from Easter dinner, I made the decision that it really was time. I planned one last stop, and I ate that last ice cream all the while I was concentrating on the taste, texture and reminding myself that this was the last indulgence. I have long believed that sugar is an addiction to some the same way alcohol is to others. When I fall off the wagon, I don’t’ just stumble, I binge. I have been binging for 16 weeks. Over the past couple of weeks there were a couple of science articles about sugar addition on cnn.com. Interesting. I believe it, not as an excuse, but rather as understanding my behavior. I will stay clean for years, and then one fall causes a slide.
Yesterday I made the decision to again, change my life. 4 pm I had the last bit of sugar, and now I am spending the next 3 weeks creating good habits again and reestablishing the routine and behaviors that will take me to my goals. 9 pounds and all those inches can come right back off...
While I was away, I missed much….I missed my one year anniversary. I didn’t miss it, I knew exactly which day it was, I just didn’t celebrate it on line. I missed my goal date for weight loss. Not to worry, I have set a new one. I missed exercise of just about any type at all. It’s okay, I will start again.
Your world gets very focused sometimes. Three weeks ago, Cathy (my sales agent) found out she had a carcinoid tumor in her small intestine. It was removed, and the surgery went very well. 11 out of 12 lymph nodes were clear, but one was not. That is devastating news to everyone. I have no doubt in my mind that she will beat this insidious disease, but I wish she didn’t have to go through hell to do it. Right now they are planning her course of treatment….looks like chemo. It gets especially hard to think of her going through this now as her daughter is getting married in August. I have a very tiny office, and this has changed my life, too. It’s been 2 1/2 weeks already, and it will likely be several more before she is back. Today my sister in law had a biopsy on a breast tumor, and they told her to come back tomorrow for an MRI. They pretty much told her she has breast cancer. This just stinks.
Cancer makes you wake up in a hurry. Although I didn’t know about my sister in law at the time, but Cathy’s cancer was probably part of my decision to get back on track to getting healthy again. One thing is for certain, it has given a new meaning and drive to completing the Jimmy Fund Boston Marathon Walk for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.
To my Sparkfriends who kept reaching out….thank you. I didn’t respond because my head was too far in the sand, BUT, I KNEW YOU WERE THERE. I have not yet looked at the goodies you left me or the emails that you sent. I will start in on them tonight, and will respond to you one by one. Please know this…I love you that you were there for me.
It’s official. I’m not coming back. I am back. Thanks, all for caring.