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wake up call

Friday, April 22, 2011

on thursday my sister phoned me saying she had bad news.at first i thought she was going to tell me that my aunty noreen had died as the dr´s had only given her a month to live in december(she has cancer)but no it was to tell me that aunty noreens son,my cousin delwin had died.he was only 4 years older than me.to say that this news has shaken me would be an understatement i was in shock.delwin was only 4 years older than me,we grew up together so he was like a brother to me,more so as my brother left home and the village when i was 5 years old.delwin and i also worked together in the same place for over a year.sowe were very close.i spoke to my aunty noreen on the phone on thursday as soon as i found out and she sounded amasingly calm,weather that is because of the medication she is on or weather it had not really sunk in i don´t know.it is hard to tell on the phone.i am so sad that with all she is going through she now has to go through learning what it is like to burry one of her children.it made me so angry when she told me he had died because of a chest infection.who dies from chest infections now adays.also he had been in hospital since monday and was being treated.after the news set in i started having really frightening thoughts which i couldn´t seem to stop and me do my usual emotional/binge eating.you think i would have learned by now.will i ever be able to control this need to stuff myself when something upsets me.on to my frightening thought i can´t get out of my head.my husband and kids are always getting chest infections as they have weak lungs because of there bronicle asthma and other health issues and the thought of losuing one of them this way s like looming up large in my head that i just can´t get it out.irrational i know and i should know better but there you are.it also makes me realise how fragile our live on this earth is and we don´t know when or where something is going to but also it makes me realise you should be as fit and healthy as we can be so if something does happen we are better equiped to deal with it. i am not as fit as i could be ,i am not as healthy as i should be i know that but knowingand doing something about it are two differant things,.ok i have done well ,i have lost over 100lbs but i still have a long way to go and if i am honest i am not that much further along this journey as i was a year ago.i loose weight and put it back on through binge eating like i did last night.it is not good enough i am not being fair to myself or my family.but only i can do something about it.like i said knowing and doing are two differant things and the doing seems to be eluding me at the moment.tips,help advice and encouragement welcome.

thanks once again for being with me and suppotrting me it means more than i can say in words.take care keep smiling and thank you.
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  • I_CAN_DO_IT09
    My heart definitely goes out to you! Losing a person that you were close to can definitely be hard but you can get through this! Don't give up and sabotage your own health just because you're sad. I'm sure you cousin wouldn't want that for you. Just keep your head up and be strong for your family and keep yourself healthy!
    2491 days ago
    I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    You've done a great job losing 100Lbs! Keep up the great work! You are an inspiration!
    Perhaps you could make a goal, maybe do a 5K walk or run to honor your cousin. This would be a positive way to focus your energy. Honoring him and taking care of your body (as I'm sure he would want you to do!)

    2492 days ago
  • MUSIC66
    sorry your cousin died may he rest in piece.
    2493 days ago

    I'm sorry to hear about your family's loss but I'm glad that you also look at it as a wake up call. We will never know when Death comes but I do know, it's better for us to try keep our body healthier for our religion (much easier to do Qiamullail, fasting, etc when the body is healthy, right?), for our family and of course, for ourselves.
    2496 days ago
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    with respect to struggling with binge eating (waves hand), it is an ongoing process we work on, and it can & will improve as we deal with it. recognizing the whens/whys is a place to start changing that. don't beat yourself up about it, observe it and now work on self-soothing in non-food ways as you go through your grief...

    2497 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear of your loss !
    2498 days ago
  • DEE797
    So sorry to hear of your loss. Remember the good times you had with your cousin. And use this moment to remember why you want to get healthy and fit. Your boys and dh need you...I know you can do this.... emoticon emoticon
    2498 days ago
  • FLAME42
    My thoughts and prayers are with your whole family. It is only natural to have thoughts about the fragile state of our lives here. You have done so much for others, we know how strong you are.
    The advice from TERRBEAR12 is simple but it does work. Slow down the mind/whole system and concentrate on the positive.
    2498 days ago
  • JUDITH1654
    Karen, I am SO sorry for your loss. I know it's a shock. It was like that for me when my late boss (who was a classmate) VERY SUDDENLY died two years ago. It IS a wake up call, but instead of being hard on yourself, look back for a minute and see how very far you've come! Keep those little ones in mind when reaching for a "no-no" and realize they rely on you. I know you have it in you! You've come so far and will continue. And no matter how many setbacks you may experience, you're still moving forward. One step back - two steps forward.

    Keep strong. You're one of the strongest women I know. emoticon
    2499 days ago
    I am sorry your cousin died ...
    You will miss him..
    I think that these happenings are definately a wake up call ....
    but whether we are in charge of ourselfs enough to be able to listen is another thing entirely.
    Hopefully this will set you thinking and you will decide enough is enough ... and just do it!!

    love and hugs to you all ..Susie
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    2499 days ago
    2499 days ago
    Sweetheart, I don't know your spiritual beliefs, but I believe we all have our time...it can't be changed...

    I know it was a shock, though! I don't blame you at all for having scary, angry thoughts...anyone would. I will pray for your Auntie, you...and all your family.

    Regarding your diet...have you tried telling yourself you are becoming like some people who can't eat when they're upset because it makes their tummy sick?

    We are here for you...as you are for us!

    You have done great losing 100 pounds! Gosh, I wish I had...just over 40 for me in a whole year!

    2499 days ago
    I am so very sorry for the death of your cousin. This on top of having a beloved aunt dealing with cancer is so extremely difficult. I hope that you are not hard on yourself for eating or doing whatever is necessary to get through some of the pain. Shock and grief have to be dealt with and guilt does not need to be added to the mix. It is good that you have been taking care or yourself - your new habits will help keep you going forward with your health.
    The fear you feel for your husband and children is normal. We are fragile beings and a death of one so near in age does bring that point home. Oddly, the best advice I can offer you is this: Remember to breathe. When you are frightened: breathe. When you are overwhelmed: breathe. Deep breath in - hold for a moment - long breath out. It won't cure anything but it does help the mind slow down and find its calm.
    Remember it is okay to cry, it is okay to laugh at a memory, it is okay to not know exactly what you are feeling or think you should be feeling. Not everyone grieves the same way.
    2499 days ago
    As salam alaikum Karima,

    First my condolences on your loss of a dear family member, May Allah, swt, have mercy on his soul and ease the suffering of your Aunt.

    Second, death is always an opportunity for us to take stock of our lives. We suddenly realise that life is fragile and only Allah, (exalted and most high) knows our lifespan.

    Third, We all experience our ups and downs, and yes, knowing is not like doing, BUT, it is the first step in the process.

    Fouth, You've done a Great job thus far, losing weight, encouraging others, just superb.

    Fifth, Give your fears and anxiety in regards to your family to Allh, swt, rely on Him and Trust in Him.

    Your sister in Islam

    2499 days ago
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