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    TWOTIMESS   21,945
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Health Tips For The Misguided

Monday, April 18, 2011

I found the following page and thought you'd enjoy the laugh...


naturalhealthremedies.or
g/health-tips-for-the-misg
uided/


"Yawn. Things are getting a bit boring round here donít you think?! Eat your greens blah, blah, blahÖ Donít worry, I try not to take myself too seriously so here are a few unconventional health quotes for you to enjoy:-

1.Donít eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
- Homer Simpson

2.My doctor told me to do something that made me slightly out of breath, so I started smoking again.
- Jo Brand

3.Never eat anything at one sitting that you canít lift.
- Miss Piggy

4.The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning ďability to,Ē and bics, meaning ďwithstand tremendous boredom.Ē
- Dave Barry

5.I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
- Joe E. Lewis

6.Muscles come and go; flab lasts.
- Bill Vaughan

7.All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
- Alexander Wolcott

8.To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
- Gustave Flaubert

9.Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Redd Foxx

10.I donít like food thatís too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture Iíd buy a painting.
- Andy Rooney

11.If you ever have to support a flagging conversation, introduce the topic of eating.
- Leigh Hunt

12.Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.
- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

13.Canada has never been a melting pot; more like a tossed salad.
- Arnold Edinborough

14.Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill

15.I do not like broccoli. And I havenít liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And Iím President of the United States and Iím not going to eat any more broccoli.
- George Bush, US president, 1990

16.Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained.
- Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia

17.Eat whatever thou likest, but dress as others do.
- Arab Proverb

18.The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

19.Eat bread at pleasure, drink wine by measure.
- Randle Cotgrave

20.Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis (Garfield the Cat)

21.The only way to keep your health is to eat what you donít want, drink what you donít like, and do what youíd rather not.
- Mark Twain

22.Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.
- Billy Rose

23.An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
- Winston Churchill

24.Mattieís Restaurant and Yogurt Palace, ďAn alternative to Good EatingĒ
- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas"

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHATTIEGIRL 9/6/2011 10:31PM

    Hi TWOTIMESS;

These where too cute and I had to laugh. Stay focused on your healthy life style. Learn from Spark people each day. God bless you always.

Smile Joyce

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REXTINE1 8/31/2011 2:31PM

    They're all cute.

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JOANNANOW 5/29/2011 9:58AM

    Funny! Thank you. emoticon

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LIS193 5/28/2011 1:18PM

    LOL - so funny and so true ;0

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HARTKITTY 5/16/2011 10:51AM

    I love these too emoticon

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TABBYARTS 5/8/2011 12:15AM

    THESE ARE GREAT!
I love the Mark Twain quote and Brie loves the Broccoli quote of Pres. Bush!

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CHATTIEGIRL 4/29/2011 10:28PM

    HI TWOTIMESS;

I laughed the whole time, priceless. W take ourselves to seriously and need a good laugh sometimes. Stay focused on your healthy life style. God bless you always. Learn from Spark people every day.

Joyce

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ELLENS2525 4/23/2011 8:08AM

    I enjoyed these! Thanks for sharing!

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SASSI_SPRING 4/19/2011 11:20PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEELYNNE1 4/19/2011 1:20PM

    Just finished putting number 4 (aerobics) into practice. LOL! Loved this - too funny! I can't even pick a favorite; they're all good. Thank you for a great laugh!

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ARCHIMEDESII 4/19/2011 10:34AM

    Lucille Ball ROCKED !!! I love that quote !!

emoticon emoticon

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THAIBEAUKITTY 4/19/2011 10:30AM

    emoticon

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HARTKITTY 4/19/2011 8:57AM

    This is great LOL
I really like 9.Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Redd Foxx

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EVELYN5877 4/19/2011 3:54AM

    Gave me a quiet smile. I like number 8 best, although they're all good, and it is the first time I agreed with george bush on anything!

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SCREWIE 4/19/2011 3:16AM

    Gave me a chuckle emoticon

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_LINDA 4/19/2011 1:05AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Funtastic!!

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CTEMPLE 4/18/2011 8:29PM

    emoticon
Claudia

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BITTERBLUE2 4/18/2011 8:05PM

  Those are good--#7, #9, my favorites, but # 21 is too true for me! emoticon

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PAMBWS 4/18/2011 7:30PM

    #9 has always appealed to me...but I think #21 says it all!


I'll stick to chocolate Easter bunnies, wine, steak, BBQ...other foods that I like!

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CHERIRIDDELL 4/18/2011 5:52PM

    My personal favourite is number 7 .It just rings so true LOL!

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THETURTLEBEAR 4/18/2011 5:16PM

    Lots of good ones today!

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CHRISTURTLE 4/18/2011 5:14PM

    I laughed my way through all of them. Thank you so much for a laugh even before my first coffee of the day - a virtually unheard of occurrence, lol.

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LEXIE63 4/18/2011 5:06PM

    Nice one! :-)

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TIME4COFFEE 4/18/2011 5:05PM

    Priceless...as always Princess!
emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 4/18/2011 5:01PM

    Brilliant! emoticon

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DEELYNNE1 4/18/2011 4:56PM

    Oh, these are all great! I can't even pick a favorite, I like them all.

emoticon

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REXTINE1 4/18/2011 4:53PM

    emoticon Thanks.

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FRAN0426 4/18/2011 4:42PM

    emoticon thanks for the laughs

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LOVEBYRD 4/18/2011 4:35PM

    lol, I love this! Especially #20 emoticon

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SENATOR9 4/18/2011 4:34PM

    I think Mark Twain said it best But all great quotes emoticon

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