Monday, April 18, 2011
Soooooooooooooooo..... We don't ALWAYS know our future. Last thing I said was I was going for Gold. But that's NOT what happened. That's NOT the next chapter in my journey.
I was taking a long time to recover after my show in September of last year. I found it hard to lose any weight at the calories that had previously been my "magic numbers". After 2 1/2 months I finally broke down and saw my Dr. Verdict.... Adrenal Exhaustion and hypothyroidism to boot! I was devastated!
It took me 3 months to start feeling a little better. In that time I put on too much weight. But what do you do when the only thing that remedies adrenal exhaustion is also what leads to weight gain - eating and resting. Couple that with hypothyroidism and I'm 40lbs heavier.
I've spent the last 6 months fighting with the fact that this was NOT my fault. It's not like I gave up, or quit. I had no choice. Had I gave up, I promise you the weight gain would have been MUCH more. So to bust your ass for 3 years and wind up here.... is devastating to say the least. I still struggle with feeling embarrassment and regret.
I've spent the last several months trying to recover from the news of the direction my next chapter will take. It's hard when you don't get to decide what story will be written on those pages. When that story has been written for you and you must do what you have to with what you've been given. But isn't that really what I did in the first place? The journey that had me making choices that led me to losing over 100lbs, competing in figure competitions, becoming a personal trainer, and deciding to be active in my own life?
It's now that I realize just because I'm dealt something that I didn't want, doesn't mean I am less than in any way. I didn't CHOOSE what I've been dealt, but I DO have a choice in how I deal with this.
Maybe "going for gold" couldn't come until after I endured this. Maybe the best is yet to come. No one determines my fate but ME. One thing I've learned about myself through this ENTIRE process is that I AM A FIGHTER!