These past weeks seem to have been filled with one thing after another going wrong, but, as the old song says,' there is a season, turn, turn, turn...'
Dad is holding his own, still just a matter of time, but the immediate danger has passed and although there is less of the Dad of old there than before, we are still blessed with being able to visit with him, and I go feed him his meals each day, sit holding his hand, and at least now he isn't in any pain, nor is he worrying about everyone and everything as he was.
The old house is over and done with, and I managed to fit in times between Dad's being awake to get the last of the heavy cleaning done, the yard cleaned, the outside looking as I wanted it to. Received a visit and a phone call from the agent handling the property to tell me he and the owner were grateful that I had left it in a far better condition, and with new drapes and blinds, light fittings, etc. than when I took over the lease. I loved the house, leaving those things was my parting gift to it, but it now feels like that chapter of my life is closed, and a new one is opened, filled with possibilities.
Computer problems appeared overnight, first one thing, then another. At first I couldn't get any response when I turned it on, and it just sat there ignoring me, sleeping while I tried all I could. Got an IT tech, luckily the son of a good friend, to check it out, and the problem was resolved reasonably quickly, but he did warn me there was a chance of further problems occurring because the 'something' - can't remember what he called it, may have been damaged.
Yes, he was right, and so it led to me being computerless for some days, and what should have been a fairly hefty repair bill. Luckily, he has the same attitude to life as I do, that we share what we no longer need with those who don't have so much, and he only charged me the cost price for parts, no labor, saying I'd given them enough furniture, tools, etc. that I no longer needed, when they were doing it hard, so this was by way of thanking me. Can't tell you how wonderful it is to be surrounded by friends and neighbours who feel that way.
I was coping ok with Dad's deteriorating condition emotionally, because we had had many discussions about what Dad wanted as regards being allowed to die with dignity compared with being kept alive with no quality of life. I still have my Dad, not quite the same Dad as he was, but the fact that he is still here is because he held on to life, not that I made the decision for him. He is calm, not worrying, and just sits there in his chair quietly, no signs of stress. Once the immediate danger was over, maybe 4 or 5 days ago (I too seem to have completely lost any sense of time just now), I suddenly became ill. Everything was ok, but couldn't keep any food or drinks down. My doctor tells me it's my body's reaction to all that has been happening, that where for some people these things effect them emotionally, for me it was this. Getting over it slowly, meds to help settle my stomach, and it will disappear just as it has at other stressful times.
A friend has moved into my old house, and he loves it. He has always been there to help anyone who needed anything, and this is the beginning of a whole new chapter of his life too. He is leaving all the memories of his health problems, being defrauded out of what money he had saved, the feeling of hopelessness, and is finding the same joy in that house as I did. To see the happiness on his face, the sparkle in his eyes that has been missing for so many years, really makes me believe that house has some elusive, almost magical, restorative property about it.
I have just weighed myself, and since my last weigh in, maybe 4 weeks ago (guessing, as I said, the days seem to have run into each other of late) I have gained 5 pounds. No exercise, eating things my wonderful caring friends prepared for me, my own choices of drive-thru fast food for dinner at ungodly hours of the night when I was too exhausted to cook, all these things helped add those pounds. Small price to pay for what has happened in my life during that time, and I know I will get rid of them little by little, thanks to Spark People, my Spark Teams, my Spark friends... just a need to return to a healthier, more energetic lifestyle, watch what I eat a little more closely. No biggie.
I just want to let you all know, all you wonderfully caring, supportive fellow team mates and Sparkers, that I am so very grateful for all your support and for the love you have shown through this time. I have had some really great, caring friends around me, feeding me, helping me in any way I needed dhelp, and just being there for me. It is wonderful to be so blessed as to have that support here on Spark People as well.
This is definitely 'my' song of late. Hope you take the time to listen to the lyrics, enjoy a trip back in time for those old enough to remember when it was first released... Enjoy - the song, and every moment of your days.