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    SPARKPIXIE1   1,301
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Rollercoaster got stuck! HELP!


Sunday, April 17, 2011

So have you ever noticed that life really is like Brayn Addams says like a rollercoaster. Well the last couple of weeks i think mine got stuck somewhere...maybe in the big loop. And now I'm hanging...screaming my lungs out hysterically!

Where to start...mmm...well I was at home for the holidays when I realized I had been having these major stomach pains for a while and decided to go to the doctor. A sonar and some blood tests revealed the problem was actually my liver. My insulin levels were 41 and it's suppose to be 9. So I'm what they call insulin intollerent...whatever that means. Then they sent me to a dietician who said that my eating habbits are aside from some minor things actually fine. But then she said the dreaded word...she said i was obese...really I'm 75kg. I know I'm over weight but obese...isn't that a bit harsh lady. Darn.

Anyway I was down for most of the week and then my boyfriend decided to add to my depression and dump me...aparently we're in seperate stages of our lives.

So I came home with a stack of work and we were having lunch when I finally cracked. I scared the jeepers out of my parents cause I started crying and I just couldn't stop. I couldn't get a word out.

Then I forced out the words: I CANT DO IT ANYMORE! I realized it's rock bottom. I couldnt go on living like this. I hated every day. Everything made me misarable. To make a long story short we started talking about my studies and my dad asked me whether I was even studying what I really wanted to anymore. And then I realized what I have probably known for more than a year...I didn't want to be a lawyer. That's why I was struggling my ass off as well...this wasn't what I wanted to do. I never was cut out to be a lawyer. I love animals. I live for nature. Not paperwork. So we decided to stop my studies.

I'm in a bit of a panic now cause I don't know exactly what I'm going to do with my life but it feels like an adventure now. I have to figure out who I am. Don't know how yet but I'm getting there. And I've narrowed my choices down to doing either a service year for Christ or studying again next year. Now I just need to figure out 2 things...what am I going to study. And what am I going to do for the rest of the year. I've started by realizing some stuff i don't want to do like waitering.

Any ideas....?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BADAMS86 4/20/2011 12:05AM

    That was certainly a tough decision to come to, but it sounds like it was the right one! So many people would just stick with it because they didn't know what else to do, were afraid of trying something else, or didn't want to let others down (family, significant other, themselves even).

It is a brave thing to know when to back out of something, even when you are unsure of what new direction you are going to head. Part of figuring out what we want to do in life is trying things and figuring out what we don't want to do first. Sure, some people are lucky and get it right the first time or have always known. The majority of us don't, or never do.

You have an amazing journey ahead of you, and I wish you the best of luck!

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JUDITH1654 4/18/2011 7:22AM

    Have you considered being a veterinarian? Or perhaps working at a zoo or some ecological organization? Find what makes you happiest and then pursue it. You might even try doing some volunteer work at a couple of places to see how you fit into that niche. It would be better to take some time to be sure of what path you wish to pursue before going back to school, in my opinion.

Hooray for your dad for getting to the crux of the matter. Good luck and keep us posted!

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STORMFAN 4/17/2011 1:41PM

    I do not have any suggestions but just wanted to let you know that I am sorry all of this has you bummed out but we are here to support you so don't feel alone. hugs

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CLPOLLY 4/17/2011 10:40AM

    AK2799 is so right!
Keep your chin up and look ahead. Look at what you want your life to be and go for it!
I have been where you are. I was studying Biology to be a doctor but realized that I was only doing it just to be able to say that I was a doctor, but I didn't love it. I decided to follow what I love, which is writing, so now I am working for a degree in English and let me tell you, it is amazing. I have never had such a sense of purpose, I feel like I am finally doing something and I am loving every minute of it.
Do whatever you want and you will find happiness.
Get that coaster moving!
emoticon

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ALICIAYOUNG1127 4/17/2011 10:28AM

    Hi! I know your depressed and unsure..but I am telling you that you are in the best position of your life!! You had the guts to admit you dont want to be a lawyer..now you can choose anything..all you need to do is feel productive while you learn more about yourself and what you want to be!!!Your boyfriend dumped you? well, I am sorry you are hurting, but damnit..you are free to do as you please..like focus on your health..without interference..and your parents seem to be very understanding..so your on the right track!!!!You will find when looking back at this time it was like a chance for you to start over..with a clean slate! hell maybe you will find yourself in criminal law, defending animals!!!! or running charity races raising money for animals..or your law knowledge will help you properly open a shelter..the possiblilities are freakin endless! I am envious..GO FOR IT!!!! emoticon

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