Sunday, April 17, 2011
Any simple motivational ideas for me?
For some reason I'm having a hard time lately with myself. I've done very well exercising, up to an hour some days. I've noticed that my lungs don't struggle as much as when I began, which is a good sign that it's become a habit. But nutrition is much harder right now. I'm just so tired of food generally. But rather than just eating something healthy, since I feel neutral about it anyway, I go for old standbys.
I was laid off from my job. Apparently my work product was far above expectations, but they pretty much had no more work for me to do. So now I'm a full-time housewife (looking for work). A very different lifestyle from just six months ago, when I working and lawschooling. Still, I'm thrilled that I was laid off, as it was getting hard to look busy with only about an hour of actual work each day and my coworkers secretly seething at me for eating up company resources. So this is a nice break right now.
But my self-confidence isn't great. I should say, it's horrible. I don't think it's any one thing, although I'm sure that my job loss is a subconscious contributor, as well as the fear of not being able to find another one. I also had a dream recently that I was looking at myself 8 years ago, and thinking how wonderful my legs looked (that was at my lowest weight). When I remembered I had that dream, obviously I recalled that my legs don't look that nice. And that sums up how I've been feeling. Every time I see some part of myself, I notice some little puff of fat that I hadn't seen before. Not to mention issues I have about my arthritis, skin, hair, etc. Frustration is normal, but these sort of feelings are definitely unhealthy. So I'm hoping I haven't suddenly lost control over my brain again and have to find new ways to deal with my depression....
Well, the good news is that right now I actually have ample time to handle all these things. My apartment has never been cleaner. I do like being a housewife!