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    LEANVIXEN   49,541
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A breakthrough

Friday, April 15, 2011

Given how hardcore I always am, it probably comes as no surprise that I have trouble crying. This morning I just had the most amazing breakthrough at the end of my 6.7mile run. Here is the story...

When I set out around 8 this morning I had a few goals in mind:
~ finish the run
~ run as far as I did the last time I ran it before taking a walk break (I took two last time)

I was confident that I could do those two so I added a final one:
~ try to beat my previous time of 1:13.16

So I set off on my run and in the first mile I was a little legs needed some warming up, but then I hit my stride and away I went. I was feeling great the first few hills were a little easier than last time and I really put my focus into the first big hill. I cleared it without spiking my heart rate as high as I had last time (just by pure feeling how my body reacted) and I was thrilled. The second big hill, which is about half a mile long, was much harder...but I pushed and pushed myself, begging my body just to make it to the top...promising that then I could coast a little. The top came and I relaxed slightly, but kept pushing on. It was hotter than the first time. The sun was beating down on me...and then my first walk break was in sight. As I ran closer and closer I thought to myself...why don't I see if I can run through the first walk break? Maybe I can take my walk break later in the run. So that's what I did...then I said to myself, just make it to the end of this (long) street... and at the turn when I'm heading down the last long stretch I can take a walk. So I did...and then I said to myself well... this long stretch is all down point walking when I can I ran...and I ran...and I ran. And then I said to myself... there is no point walking that really steep hill at the end when I've just run the entire thing. It's only 0.09 miles up that hill...let's go for it. No matter how slow you have to do it...just do it. Just run it. And so I did. When I got to the top of the steep hill (I'm talking 40 degree angle here) I was beat...I was tired...but I knew there were only 0.33 miles left. I HAD to do it...I just had to. So I picked up my guts...and I kept going.

There's a song that I always put on at the end of my runs and it's so uplifting that I am able to finish no matter how tired I am. Fix You by Coldplay (
) is the ultimate end of a run song...from the 2:35 minute mark on it just makes my heart sing and makes me want to be more than I thought I ever could. It's in those moments that I think of my brother and sister. In the last mile of my run, when I am tired and weak, I imagine they are my legs and in those moments I know I can fly... As I ran down that last stretch...the music and thinking of them did something to me... I started crying. Now if anyone here has tried to cry and run at the same time, it's not easy. But there I was...finishing out the last quarter mile of my run with tears welling up in my eyes as I tried to choke them back. The girl that walked past me probably thought I was crazy, but I didn't care. I was running 6.7 miles without stopping. I just shattered all of the doubts that I ever had about myself since I hurt my knee. I knew in those moments that if I could complete that run, I could do anything. And when I finished the run, I couldn't stop crying and I didn't care. I had shattered my previous PR by 7 minutes and 20 seconds (my new PR being 1:06.16). My breathing was labored, but more because of the crying than the running. I walked around my complex NOT fighting back tears. Smiling and crying...and then cried more because I could finally let myself cry. I was so unbelievably proud of myself. I knew that every workout I had done up until now was building me up to this moment.

We can't shatter doubts and walls all at once. We have to build a foundation...then pile achievement after achievement on top of each other before we can finally break through that barrier and prove to ourselves we can do anything. It's like the analogy where you hit a stone with a mallet 100 times without making a crack and then the 101st time it shatters. This was my 101st time. I can do anything...I am unstoppable...I know that now and I will know it for the rest of my life.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SSAINTJEAN 5/4/2011 9:02PM

    Chickie you are so amazing! Reading your post gave me goosebumps. I don't run but the emotions you shared in this blog gave me an idea of what it is like. And what an experience you had, very cathartic. I'm so happy for you!!!!!

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HEALTHYMAMA4 4/22/2011 8:30AM

    Congratulations! What a great blog! What inspiration! I am definately adding that song to my playlist too. (for my first race in June!) Way to go! Again, Congrats!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/22/2011 8:32:34 AM

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MELOSPARKLE 4/17/2011 6:49AM

    Awesome blog! Thanks for sharing it! I've just started running and can only imagine what it must feel like to run 6.7 miles without walking!!! emoticon

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GLADGAD 4/16/2011 9:16PM

    It's runs like these that keep us firmly addicted and coming back for more. This is the purpose of running.

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FITGIRL15 4/16/2011 6:14PM

    This blog reminds me of ALL the times I've cried and run... it happens A LOT for me, I guess I'm not as hard as you! ;)

Congrats on the accomplishment and the breakthroughs! Of course you can do anything... and I always thought you were unstoppable! But I'm so glad that YOU now feel the same way about yourself!

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PRESHUZ 4/16/2011 5:14PM

    That's amazing! You challenged yourself and did more than you set out to do. I did that today too during my run. It's truly an amazing feeling. Anything is possible!

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SAVANNAHZMOMMA1 4/16/2011 10:34AM

    This is such a freaking cool blog! I have tears in my eyes, too. Transcendent!

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SALTYCHOCOLATE 4/16/2011 10:07AM

    Wow, what an awesome accomplishment! Congratulations! You did it.

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RHYNIC 4/16/2011 6:53AM

    Wow! Wonderful.

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SWEATONCEADAY 4/15/2011 5:45PM

    congrats on a great run!

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    You are so inspiring. Way to go. :)

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    emoticon This is just fantastic! So proud of you!

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HALFFAST 4/15/2011 12:09PM

    emoticon Fantastic!

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MAYBELLE06 4/15/2011 11:48AM

    emoticon emoticon You did it! Be proud cuz you rock!

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KKINNEA 4/15/2011 11:37AM

    You did it - great job!

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STIPER23 4/15/2011 11:30AM

    Great blog! I talk to myself the same way and tell myself "oh, just run to that next block, then you can walk" and I often never end up walking.

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ROOT4HOME 4/15/2011 11:28AM

    You DID it!! WTG!! Your blog took me back to my 1st 5k race when I realized I was at the 3mi marker (hadn't seen the other two) and started crying/hyperventalating b/c I was overcome with emotion. Until that moment, I didn't think I could finish...and there I was, nearly done! Well done!! emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 4/15/2011 11:07AM

    TOTALLY emoticon !!!!!

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ROBYNLN 4/15/2011 10:55AM

    emoticon That is Great! You are an inspiration to me.

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    Fantastic Job. You have all rights to be singing from the tree tops.

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IGNAZIA 4/15/2011 10:49AM

    You rock! and you are my inspiration!

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JERIBERI1 4/15/2011 10:43AM

    You did it!!! That was such a lovely blog. You accomplished something major, and crying is just a fitting thing to do.

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MANDA_MICHELLE 4/15/2011 10:35AM

  aw sweetie!!! i'm so happy for you. i honestly believe that crying is therapeutic for us. it can be so hard, because we try to put on a brave face and smile for the world, and for ourselves. i find running to be very emotional, and that physical release was what you needed in order to cry. i'm so proud of you!
you are definitely unstoppable girl! love you to bits!

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SINGAWOLFSONG 4/15/2011 10:33AM

    This is so beautiful. I run as well and I haven't gotten to the point of crying yet, but there have been times where I have the biggest smile on my face and I'm sure I look really silly to other people, smiling and running... but I love it! Thank you for sharing this story. I found it quite inspirational for my runs :)

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