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    DIANAPHOENIX   35,880
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It's Not About Me

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I've been trying to decide how to handle a family situation, and how much of the drama is my creation. Maybe the answer is none, and all. First off, the drama is what other people are saying and doing, so it isn't me. On the other hand, what hurts me is where I come in, my fears and insecurities.

One of my family members is prone to manipulation, and likes to do so by telling separate family members lies, and asking them to not tell anyone she "confided" in them. I've watched this from a distance for a while now, after being initially caught up in feeling sorry for her, and how poorly others were treating her. After catching her in multiple lies, some seemingly meaningless, and learning she was twisting my words of support, I've distanced myself, still holding her "confidences" to myself.

Now she's in a pickle, and it seems nobody trusts her much, so she's widening her circle, going to extended family members who don't know what's going on. I've been conflicted about how much to tell, and caught her planning family functions and "accidentally" excluding me.

For a few weeks I've been depressed, and low energy, but not connecting this to what's going on. But this morning, I decided to just let it go. It doesn't concern me, because I'm not doing it. I don't need to do anything, and the further away I am, the better. Almost immediately, I'm experiencing a surprising amount of energy, and think it has to be related. And every time I start to think about this family stuff, I just say to myself "keep your distance, this isn't about you," and it's working! I need a motto, like "Stand Back" or something I can post on the wall, put in my wallet.

I used to be totally confused about how to handle situations, and I think part of that was thinking I NEEDED to do something. I'm learning that the right answer will come to me if I give it time. As much as I wish the answer would be apparent immediately, I am happy to find the truths will present themselves at all, and that the process seems to work a little more quickly than in the past.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GUINEAHEN6 6/19/2011 2:03AM

    Loved your blog! you are so right it isn't about you! Let others problems be their own and yours, yours!

You do get more energy when you let these things go! Forgiveness brings on even more.
For those like us with PTSD everyday can be a chllenge. We never know when a trigger might set us off, or a flashback, or worse yet a body memory!

Just remember we survived it, fear has no hold on us unless we give it permission.
That's my MOTTO! and IT wasn't my fault. I'm 20 yrs in therapy and learning new joys everyday! emoticon

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SNUZSUZ 4/16/2011 8:19AM

    Very insightful! I think you have made the right decision and come to the correct conclusion!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 4/13/2011 11:26AM

    I swear you must be a long lost cousin. This stuff is happening in my family too. I had to learn to love my family and let them go. It was a very difficult lesson to learn. I was so busy trying to "fix" it all that I was making myself nuts.

How excited I was to read that you figured it out (much quicker than i) that it isn't about us. I wish I could have learned to let it go much faster. I'm so proud of you and am excited to hear that by taking care of yourself, your body is rewarding you with more energy.

Here's a emoticon for you!

Great job!

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MISS_VIV 4/13/2011 11:26AM

    How wonderfully revealing - and satisfying that you can recognize that it is not about you and you don't have to fix it.

Great idea. STAND BACK.

I like that. I know what you mean. I am just 'leveling off' from a similar type situation.

Thanks Diana
Love your blog. emoticon

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