I'm back, briefly...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Firstly, sorry about my complete disappearance from Spark People for a few days, but Dad needed me by his side constantly, and I also had to finish the floor to ceiling clean of the old house, which I fitted in when Dad was a little better and was sleeping while one of the wonderful nursing staff sat with him. Deal was that if he woke, they would call immediately and I'd drop what I was doing and return. As for sleep, I've managed to get a few hours each day, so doing ok.

As things stand, he is still hanging in there, his breathing is a little easier, the oxygen is now only being used when he is having difficulties, and the constant fluid build up in his system is being taken care of with increased diuretics. As for his heart, it's just a matter of time, he knows what's happening, wants me to be with him all the time. He panics when he wakes and I'm not there holding his hand, but staff cal me immediately and I go back, spend time with him till its safe to disappear for an hour or two.

I called my sister, left a message on her machine explaining what the situation was with Dad, but it produced no result. She has totally ignored the fact that Dad wanted to see her, didn't even call the nursing home to check on him, won't return my calls, so I have given up. My eldest daughter's reaction was also disappointing, just said to let her know what happened, say hi to him, she had to go do the housework, cut the call.

Positives? Yes, there are some, definitely.

Dad knows he is not long for this world, has told me he is looking forward to being with Mum again, to seeing her free of pain. Says its been tearing him apart since she passed away to think of her and have the mind picture of her as she was in her final hours. He wants to be with her again and see her free of pain, and with that smile on her face she constantly used to have. He is actually looking forward to the end.

But... I called Julie, who was set to jump on the next plane, was going to do whatever it took to get her to be with her Pop, till I persuaded her to wait, to see what happens. Dad doesn't want her to come down, says he would just be causing her added stress, so please wait till he's better, if that happens, then come to see him under better circumstances, or to come say bye to him at the funeral. She will do as he asked. I told her its her decision, but no, she will do as her Pop asks, same as always.

Fiona, although she was meant to be spending at least another few days in bed, got in the car and drove straight up to be with her Pop and I, only stopping to print up some photos of the wedding and put them in an album for Dad to see, to honour her promise to him that she would do so next time she saw him. The look on his face when he saw her walking down the corridor towards his room was one of absolute happiness. He was so vague, so confused, but he grinned and said 'Fiona's come!'. I left them together for a while, they both had things they needed and wanted to say to each other, and when I returned they were both smiling and holding hands.

After Dad being given a mild sedative,, fell asleep for a while, and Fiona and I went over to the house, worked like crazy for 3 hours, then moved the last of the stuff over here. She was determined she was going to help me with it, no way would she take no for an answer. We had a really good talk about Dad, about his wishes, about what we would both like to include in his final farewell. Fiona left late that afternoon, refused the offer of a friend of mine driving her home, as independent as her grandfather, lol. She is coping with the effects of the stress of Dad's illness on her fibromyalgia and emotions by making up a video of Dad's favourite music, photos and wording, from as far back as we have the photos till the current time. This will be a part of his funeral service. He loved the one she did for Mum and Dad's 59th wedding anniversary, said then he'd love one for his funeral... she is making sure she does all she can to grant his wish.

My friends and neighbours have been a tower of strength, have fed and walked the dogs, fussed over the cats, helped me with the house, mown my lawns, etc. One friend has helped me each time I went to clean the house, and brought freshly cooked meals with her. Definitely not meals which will help my weight remain at goal, but at this point in time, I don't really care. The love that has gone into each and every meal has been far more important.

To the teams I haven't had time to post to, sorry, hopefully I will be back in the next day or so. Dad is ok at the moment, but I will stay beside him as long as he feels the need to have me by his side. He worries about me getting 'the call', wants me to be there with him so I know he is at peace, rather than feeling guilty because I wasn't beside him. He has to be my first priority, just as I have been his during most of my life as a single parent.

Please understand that I am with you all in spirit, even though not on the team message boards, not posting. I am, however, sending love and support to each and every one of you, and a promise I will be back to normal just as soon as I can be. Sorry I have just had to abandon the teams temporarily. I'll be back to normal within the next few days, as Dad comes to terms with the fact that there is every chance he will be here for a while yet. It's just the uncertainty and disbelief of that fact that means he needs me so much just now.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SILLYHP1953
    Please know that my thoughts and peaceful energies are with you. I wish there was something I could do to help, something concrete, but I do what I can.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2504 days ago
    Praying for you and your dad. My thoughts are with you! emoticon
    2506 days ago
    You are where you need to be and doing what you need to do at this time of your life and the life of your father. I'm sure that a few days of not Sparking or eating all the "right foods" will not be a problem. It's so wonderful that you have good neighbors to help you out at this time of need! What a blessing that is. He will certainly be pleased to see his loved one without all the pain. That will be a great blessing! May God bless you and your family as you must deal with his suffering and probable passing.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2506 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/13/2011 7:21:25 PM
  • LEXIE63
    Hi Honey,

    Don't you worry about the Tigger Team. We will be fine while you take the time you need, whatever the outcome may be. Thinking of and praying for your dad, and you, and Fiona and Julie. Sorry the rest of the family are still causing you problems.

    Take all the time you need. Just know that we are with you in spirit through this. And I am very glad indeed that you have friends there to support and feed you, even if the recipes aren't very Sparky. LOL Right now, it is more important to keep your strength up, so a friend bearing meals is a wonderful thing. Makes me smile to think you are being so well taken care of Sweetie.

    Loads of hugs to you all, and that includes the wonderful staff at the nursing home. :-)
    Lex xxx
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2506 days ago
    Try and rest when you can, eat when you can and just spend 2 minutes for yourself (on the loo if need be) and know in your heart you are upheld by the love and support of your Spark family.
    I am glad you have support from the nurses for your dad and that is important too
    best wishes, Sandra
    2506 days ago
    Never apologize for having your priorities straight, but thanks for giving us an update. Such a beautiful post, sending hugs for you and dad.

    (Emoticons not working today ((((HUGS))))
    2506 days ago
    It's so good to hear what's going on; you've been on my mind a lot lately. Thank you for taking the time when you've got so much going on already. I'm so glad Fiona's made you and your dad happy for a while; it brings a smile to my face just reading about her!

    Hugs, hugs, hugs from me to you!
    2506 days ago
    Been thinking of you.

    2506 days ago
    Hon,,,dont ya worry about "the team" this ME time right now, and you and ur Dad NEED the time to spend exactly as you are ! So please continue to do as you are. If you gain a little, so what? You are a very determined gal,,,,and you will later on lose it,,I KNOW you will. Its WONDERFUL of the neighbors to help you out. I am SO SORRY some of ur family arent being supportive,,,in the end its THEM who loses out, or maybe hon,,,they just can't cope with the past and therefore the prosent is to painful you know? In that case, forgiveness of a LARGE heart is needed cos you need ALL of your energy for ur Dad and NOT for negative feelings. TAKE CARE !!!!!! The Team WILL WAIT ! WOOOF !
    2507 days ago
  • SWELL10
    Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    2507 days ago
    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Take all the time you need. Take care!
    2507 days ago
  • DEE107
    praying for you and your dad
    2507 days ago
    Having been through this process with my mother a couple of years ago, let me assure you that you are in the right place at the right time. What a gift you are receiving to share in your father's final journey. Every little memory will come back to you in the future and will bring you comfort. Don't worry about the Spark teams or what you are doing or not doing in your Spark journey right now. Sometimes you have to take a little detour on a journey and this is your time now. But you will eventually find your way back to your Spark path. For now, know that all of us are sending you loving thoughts and wishing your father as peaceful a way as possible into his future. emoticon
    2507 days ago
    We are with you in spirit also, dear friend! Take care, and remember that you have more friends than stars in the sky! Normandy
    2507 days ago
    Taking care of your family and yourself is more important than anything else. Don't worry about anything else. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    2507 days ago
    Thanks for the update, Just take care and do what you have to do, being with your dad is more important than us right now. The teams can wait and we do understand. You haven't abandon us at all. Sending you hugs and prayers for you and you dad. emoticon
    2507 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.