Saturday, April 09, 2011
In Jan. 2009 the doctor weighed me in at 360 lbs. He told me that I was the perfect candidate for the gastric bypass surgery. He thought it was my only hope. He told me the waiting list was about a year. So my motivation was not to have surgery.
I lost 25 lbs in 5 months, on my own then I found spark people, weighed in at 335 lbs May 2009. By Dec 2009 I weighed in at 250 lbs. For all of 2010 I went up and down from 250 to 265 lbs. I was that yo-yo. Although I never let myself go past 265. It took me a year to find out what was going on.
I felt guilty. I felt guilty spending time on me, I felt guilty for feeling proud, I felt guilty for not cooking my families favorite meals, I felt guilty for making my friends feel bad when I was being successful on my get healthy new life style. I felt I was unworthy of succuss. Here are a few reasons why.
I don't know about you but most of my friends are large women like me. When I jumped on this get healthy band wagon my friends were great. When I joined Spark People I was even able to enlist a few friends. As time went on friends gave up. I stopped going out to dinner with them, ( You know when you are a large woman when you get together with your friends you don't go on hikes, walks, bike rides, exploring or even dancing. You go out to eat because it is all the energy you can muster up is to walk to your car and walk from the car into the restaurant.) I used the excuse that I could not afford to go out. Then my friends started to offer to treat me. Oh now what do I do? More quilt. I say I will go and tell them I have taken on some more clients and can pay my own way.
Next thing you know I am getting comments like, "is that all you are having?" "What no desert?" "One cocktail won't hurt you!" I am sure you have heard it all, Before you know it I am ordering the same as them so to blend in.
Then going to functions where people have not seen me for a while asking me what my secret is. Everyone looking at me being center of attraction. What secret ? Watch what I eat and walk. No secret here.
Then the new comments came out. "yes like how long is that going to last?" " You have lost weight before" "Why bother" Now I feel like everyone is watching me to screw up.
Then listening to my famiy say gosh you haven't made lasanga in a long time, why don't you cook like you did before, Where are you going now another walk?
Then I had a chat with myself. I really don't want to be fat. I know I can do this, I have already lost 100 lbs. What is another100. easy right! My friends and family will understand how important health is to me. Well most of them did.
last week I weighed in at 220 lbs. I still have 60 lbs more to go. there is no doubt in my mind that I will reach my goal and maintain it life long.
Truth is I am having great days! Busy days but that is OK. The lighter I get the more active I am. I feel that my life is changing. Not only the weight going, but the "swager" yes now I walk with a confident swager in my step, the smile on my face not to mention the smiles on his face.
Who knew that loosing weight would have such an impact on everything I do. I have been lighter but not in the last 20 years. I feel great! I am still considered Obese, that does not bother me. I know that I am going to reach goal. It is just a matter of time. I know that I am going to be healthy and fit. I know that I am looking better. I know I will be able to shop where ever I want for clothes. ( well stores in the budget anyway)
Something that has to be said and you must believe that getting healthy gets easier. HONEST! I kid you not. The smell of Pizza the kids are eating does not make you drool, you will walk into the bakery and buy your whole wheat buns and not even notice the cakes in the window. going into a coffee shop with your friends and ordering a herbal tea because you now like herbal tea and you will be able to walk past the donut counter unscathed. I am telling you the truth all of these things happen.
You will start feeling satisfied sometimes even full with your half cup rice. Do you remember those skinny girls you had lunch with and they ate half their meal and would say "I can't eat another bite" In your mind you would think not so nice things about her. Guess what you are going to be her! You will and that is going to be a great experience.
From now on when people ask me my diet secret is I will tell them " I found the power of believing in myself"
Start believing in you and magic will happen.
Do you believe?