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My story

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Saturday, April 09, 2011

In Jan. 2009 the doctor weighed me in at 360 lbs. He told me that I was the perfect candidate for the gastric bypass surgery. He thought it was my only hope. He told me the waiting list was about a year. So my motivation was not to have surgery.

I lost 25 lbs in 5 months, on my own then I found spark people, weighed in at 335 lbs May 2009. By Dec 2009 I weighed in at 250 lbs. For all of 2010 I went up and down from 250 to 265 lbs. I was that yo-yo. Although I never let myself go past 265. It took me a year to find out what was going on.

I felt guilty. I felt guilty spending time on me, I felt guilty for feeling proud, I felt guilty for not cooking my families favorite meals, I felt guilty for making my friends feel bad when I was being successful on my get healthy new life style. I felt I was unworthy of succuss. Here are a few reasons why.

I don't know about you but most of my friends are large women like me. When I jumped on this get healthy band wagon my friends were great. When I joined Spark People I was even able to enlist a few friends. As time went on friends gave up. I stopped going out to dinner with them, ( You know when you are a large woman when you get together with your friends you don't go on hikes, walks, bike rides, exploring or even dancing. You go out to eat because it is all the energy you can muster up is to walk to your car and walk from the car into the restaurant.) I used the excuse that I could not afford to go out. Then my friends started to offer to treat me. Oh now what do I do? More quilt. I say I will go and tell them I have taken on some more clients and can pay my own way.

Next thing you know I am getting comments like, "is that all you are having?" "What no desert?" "One cocktail won't hurt you!" I am sure you have heard it all, Before you know it I am ordering the same as them so to blend in.

Then going to functions where people have not seen me for a while asking me what my secret is. Everyone looking at me being center of attraction. What secret ? Watch what I eat and walk. No secret here.

Then the new comments came out. "yes like how long is that going to last?" " You have lost weight before" "Why bother" Now I feel like everyone is watching me to screw up.

Then listening to my famiy say gosh you haven't made lasanga in a long time, why don't you cook like you did before, Where are you going now another walk?

Then I had a chat with myself. I really don't want to be fat. I know I can do this, I have already lost 100 lbs. What is another100. easy right! My friends and family will understand how important health is to me. Well most of them did.

last week I weighed in at 220 lbs. I still have 60 lbs more to go. there is no doubt in my mind that I will reach my goal and maintain it life long.

Truth is I am having great days! Busy days but that is OK. The lighter I get the more active I am. I feel that my life is changing. Not only the weight going, but the "swager" yes now I walk with a confident swager in my step, the smile on my face not to mention the smiles on his face.

Who knew that loosing weight would have such an impact on everything I do. I have been lighter but not in the last 20 years. I feel great! I am still considered Obese, that does not bother me. I know that I am going to reach goal. It is just a matter of time. I know that I am going to be healthy and fit. I know that I am looking better. I know I will be able to shop where ever I want for clothes. ( well stores in the budget anyway)

Something that has to be said and you must believe that getting healthy gets easier. HONEST! I kid you not. The smell of Pizza the kids are eating does not make you drool, you will walk into the bakery and buy your whole wheat buns and not even notice the cakes in the window. going into a coffee shop with your friends and ordering a herbal tea because you now like herbal tea and you will be able to walk past the donut counter unscathed. I am telling you the truth all of these things happen.

You will start feeling satisfied sometimes even full with your half cup rice. Do you remember those skinny girls you had lunch with and they ate half their meal and would say "I can't eat another bite" In your mind you would think not so nice things about her. Guess what you are going to be her! You will and that is going to be a great experience.

From now on when people ask me my diet secret is I will tell them " I found the power of believing in myself"

Start believing in you and magic will happen.

Do you believe?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow!! What a great story!! You have such an amazing positive attitude and I know that you will accomplish your goals. I have noticed that my family and I will all sabotage each other with each others weight loss. When one of us start getting skinny we are like are you eating?? And really give them a hard time and honestly it is really just this underlining jealousy for wanting to be in that place. Thank you so much for your blog it is truly inspiring!
    2443 days ago
    emoticon blog, I am so inspired...amazing effort.
    Thanks so much for sharing!!! emoticon
    2450 days ago
  • 4EVER21B
    I so identified with your comments about yourself. Thanks so much for having the courage to say it out loud. I am not there yet, but this brings me closer.

    emoticon emoticon
    2451 days ago
    Wonderful blog! Thank you for sharing your story. I can see myself in a lot of it. I've lost a significant amount of weight and get those questins from people about my "secret" or "how did you do it". They always lose interest very fast when I tell them eating healthier and exercising. They want me to give them some magic answer. I do like what you tell people now and I'm going to have to remember it!
    2452 days ago
    Wonderful journey! I'm inspired by you. You're right. Fitness can be done at any age (I'm 59). I knew someone who had been obese her whole life, and lost in her 60s. She's now in her 80s, and maintained her weight loss. Why? She wanted to live a long life..and she is. You're gonna make it, and I will too! Thank you for sharing part of your life.
    2452 days ago
  • REJ7777
    What a motivational blog! You've overcome so much to get where you are today! emoticon emoticon Keep up the good work! emoticon
    2453 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your story. You have made great strides in a new healthy lifestyle. Congratulations!
    2455 days ago
  • JUNIE33
    I split a sandwich today with a fellow worker. I kept thinking that maybe I got the larger half because she was finished way before I was. She went and grabbed a soda. I sat there and relished the extra red onions I ordered and wasn't even looking around the restaurant to see what I could eat next. Thank you for letting me share that.
    2455 days ago
    You have done a wonderful job, thank you for sharing your journey with us; it was very inspiring to read. Believing in yourself is so important, you are right.
    2456 days ago
    What wonderful changes you've made for your health. I've heard every one of those comments from people. Ugh. They don't like it when we experience success. Hey, it's hard work and many days aren't easy!
    2457 days ago
    Thats Soo. True Is Belive In Yourselve !! emoticon
    2458 days ago
    Congrats on finding it in you to focus on you!
    2460 days ago
    Really great blog emoticon
    Congratulations on your success so far! emoticon emoticon
    2460 days ago
  • GAMMY823
    Thank you so much for this blog it is very encouraging & actuall motivating...GREAT job on your weigh loss emoticon
    2460 days ago
  • JSPIN74
    wonderful made me smile really big :)
    2460 days ago
    This was a wonderful post! It's so hard when the people who should be your support network aren't actually interested in supporting what you're doing, but you did it anyway! Congrats, keep up the good work!
    2461 days ago
    Your story is a beautiful testament to finding the love for oneself that so many people struggle with and your sharing with fellow sparkers made me feel sparked. The emotional struggle and self doubt we face each day can be overcome and you are a testimony to just that. Congratulation on all you have accomplished and thank you for sharing your storey
    2461 days ago
    What a great message! I have gone through all the emotions you described...and still struggle with many of them! I appreciate your insight!
    2461 days ago
    WOW great blog. Thank you so much for sharing. I have just started with sparkpeople and the first 10#'s are off and its been 20 days. I need to keep reading blogs like yours for motivation and strength....and you are right, I have to believe in ME!!!

    2461 days ago
    I love this blog! I faced the same thing too; it really hurt coming from my sister. We started out weight loss mission together; her on diet pills and me just sparking. She gave up and never restarted. i gave up once but I restarted and now I am flirting with success. I'm in my goal size, but still want to tone a bit. My sister refers to me (not so lovingly) as Skinny Bitch. I finally just told her to shut it and quit being jealous that I was able to finish what she was only able to start. That quieted the comments! Mean, but it worked. :) Spark on!
    2461 days ago
    "Believe in yourself...". What a positive message! emoticon
    2461 days ago
    What an honest blog. We have chatted a bit on the Spring 5% challenge page re: ONEderland. Our starting and current weights are very similar. Here is a link to a blog that I wrote that will tell you a little more about me:)


    ps Can't wait to meet you in ONEderland:) emoticon
    2461 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/26/2011 4:20:54 PM
    What an inspiring story! You are an amazing person and thank you for sharing. You have so much to be proud of and I'm sure your true friends are equally amazed by you and happy for you. Good luck on the rest of your journey :) emoticon
    2461 days ago
    and i wish you many real friends in the near future, this is a truly great story.
    congratulations for plowing your way through.
    love ya
    2462 days ago
    What a great blog! Wishing you continued success. emoticon
    2462 days ago
    Love your statement.. "start to believe in yourself and magic will happen!"

    Congrats on your weight loss and your accomplishments!
    2462 days ago
    Great blog!!!!
    2462 days ago
    What an incredible blog and such a powerful message. Well done and good luck as you move forward!
    2462 days ago
    Congratulations! Great self talk. You are a wonderful example for us all. emoticon
    2462 days ago
  • 4MRSDAND123
    Great blog! emoticon
    2462 days ago
    That was a great talk you had with yourself! I'm glad you broke through your plateau and had the courage to unlock your true self. Thanks for inspiring.
    2462 days ago
  • DEBBIE614
    what a great blog and great message. You have accomplished so much within a year, I wish you all the best. emoticon
    2464 days ago
    WOW! What an inspiration you are! Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. Motivates us to keep going!
    2467 days ago
  • NINNY165
    Thank you for the encouraging words.....Hang in can do this....I too will reach for the stars....If its to be...its up to me!!!
    2467 days ago
    Very good and inspirational blog! You are sure to succeed because you are determined! And less sure feels good! Best wishes!
    2467 days ago
  • JERESS26
    Thanks for putting into words what so many of us feel. I look forward to our journey together! Jean emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2467 days ago
    I really enjoyed your blog today! I really needed to read this because I have been going thru almost the same thing with family, friends right now. Thank you so much for your words. I am so happy you are a part of the 5% Challenge. Added you as a friend, so I can walk along beside you on your journey. You are truly an inspiration. emoticon
    2467 days ago
  • YICHE12
    What an achievement! I really enjoyed reading your blog. Keep up the great work because it sure is working for you. Many emoticon
    2468 days ago
  • KLT5057
    Congrats to you!! Your story is amazing! Keep it up!
    2468 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Welcome to the 5%challenge. We are so happy to have you and thank you for inspiring us all!
    2468 days ago
    Fantastic.....I needed to read this today. Thanks.
    2468 days ago
    Thank you so much for this blog. I've lost 45 lbs since 1/2 and I'm starting to feel better about myself. The guilt is not fully gone, but it's getting easier.
    2468 days ago
    Unreal blog
    2468 days ago
    I so needed to read this today!
    2468 days ago
    You're just made of awesomesauce! So much goodness in your blog - I'm saving it for future inspiration!

    Welcome to the 5% Spring Challenge. I can't wait for it to start!
    2468 days ago
  • HOPE2011
    To answer your question, no, I don't believe in myself. But I might now after reading your inspirational words!

    I'm glad you will be a part of the 5% challenge too! I've added you as a friend too so I can keep being motivated by you!

    Thank you for sharing your journey!! emoticon
    2468 days ago
    Welcome to the spring challenge. You will be a great help to to others on the challenge and hopefully the challenge will provide encouragement and support for you as you continue to your goal. Your blog was wonderful!
    2468 days ago
    What a terrific post! I vote YOU become one of our new leaders!! You sure have the "motivation thing" down pat!!!

    emoticon to our team, and emoticon !!!!
    2468 days ago
    Thank you for posting!! Moni emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2468 days ago
    WOW thank you so much for this, it made me cry!!
    i so recognize it all, i start falling back into my bad habits recently and i cant get out.
    I just dont want to dissapoint people.. I have been like this for over 20 years (am now 36)..

    I am going to read your blog several times, i NEED to do that.

    I read you joined the 5 % challenge! WTG.. i am one of the leaders of one of the teams...!We sure can use someone that inspires people like you!!
    2468 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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