Saturday, April 09, 2011
This is only my first week of my new life change. I feel WONDERFUL. I have faithfully exercised and recorded everything I ate, sticking right in the middle of all the ranges. I decided I'm not going to weigh myself every week because I don't want to give up when I have those 1/2 pound weeks. I am doing it once a month. But even without knowing the pounds, I feel better about myself because I'm doing it! I feel proud. Just knowing I'm on my way makes me feel good and I actually got a little bit of confidence back as I walked around instead of burying my face and hoping people weren't laughing at me. Until today...
I was out at a car show with my husband and son. We were having a wonderful time! I was looking at a Corvette when some woman made a crack that I couldn't hear but her husband YELLS, "Yeah- she may like the car but if she buys it, she ain't gonna fit in it!" and they were both looking at me laughing. I don't understand what makes people so mean. Why do they care what I look like? The funny thing is, the guy looked like he was 7 months pregnant. And to be insulted by someone who can't even speak properly is even more insulting. It's like he stuck a pin in me, completely deflated me and reminded me that I'm still a fat cow. It hurt so bad. I wish it didn't but it did. And then not even 15 minutes later, again I hear the second part of the conversation and a kid says, "No mom, I think she's pregnant"- with the whole family staring at me. I just started to cry. They didn't even try to hide their comments- like they didn't care if I heard or not. Just because I'm fat it's ok to insult me like that like I don't have any feelings? I just wanted to crawl under one of the cars and hide. Although as that man would have pointed out, I couldn't fit, of course.
I am not going to give up. If anything, it's going to motivate me even more. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm going to add it to my motivation poster and I'm going to work my butt off picturing his big stupid face. But I'm just feeling kind of down about it.