Friday, April 08, 2011
Dad's heart is failing, he is on oxygen, he wasn't expected to last the night. I spent most of it with him, but when the meds took effect and the pain lessened to allow him to sleep peacefully and his signs leveled off and stayed there, I came home for a few hour's sleep, to feed the animals, etc.
Dad was confused for most of the time, and in pain, but he did say three things clearly to me -
first, that he is waiting for Mum to come and take him home and he wants to go with her. I told him I knew he wanted that, knew how much he had missed her, and that it was ok for him to be with her. Second, he wanted me to 'go to the drawer, get it checked' - I know the drawer he means, and what he wants me to do - its his will he's talking about, and wants me to contact his solicitor - I promised him I would, when the time came. Third - he pointed to the photos of Kurt and Emily, Julie, Fiona, on his photo wall, smiled, said 'love them, tell them', and when i promised him I would, he smiled and relaxed.
I can do no more for Dad than to be with him, but as the wonderful staff said last night, this may take a number of days, and I need to take time away from him when its ok to do so in order to be able to do all that needs to be done after he has 'gone home with Mum'. We had many long discussions after Mum passed away about how he wanted to just be allowed to go when his time came, that he hated the thought of being kept alive when there was no hope of of a normal healthy life. I was asked by the staff 'how procative' I wanted them to be, told them it was his decision to be allowed to slip away peacefully, that I wouldn't want to go against his wishes.
Other than a half hour visit from my sister and her husband, and one by Mum's brother and his wife, no one has been to see Dad or me since Dad had his first stroke. The reason? My sister has convinced them I have had him admitted under false pretenses, that there is nothing wrong with him. that I just want his money, and both units... nothing will change her mind, and she has managed to convince family of the same thing. Why I mentioned that is the fact that this morning I have to call all these 'family' members, as well as my other two daughters, to tell them of Dad's current situation, to tell them that if they want to say their goodbyes they need to be here as soon as possible. Nursing staff know the situation, offered to call them today, but I will do it myself. It is my responsibility, my duty, and I know Dad would want me to do it.
I won't be Sparking much, won't be posting on teams, but will keep you updated as to what's happening. I want to spend as much time as possible with Dad, naturally, and he is my number one priority.
As things happen so many times, I have to also finish working on the final clean of the old house, both inside and out, because it has to be handed over on Wednesday next week. This too is demanding my time, and there is no way I can leave it undone. I'll get everything done, know that with God's help I will manage to do all I need to, face what needs to be faced, and will be what I need to be in order to help the others cope with what is to come.
I would like those of you who are willing to do so, to pray that what is to happen does so with no further pain or distress for Dad, that he can finally do what he has longed to do since Mum passed away, and go home again with Mum. Thank you. He has been the most wonderful father, so strong, so supportive, so unselfish, taught me so many things by example, specially the right way to live and to treat others, and this is my time to repay him for all he has done for me for so long.