Update on Dad

Friday, April 08, 2011

Dad's heart is failing, he is on oxygen, he wasn't expected to last the night. I spent most of it with him, but when the meds took effect and the pain lessened to allow him to sleep peacefully and his signs leveled off and stayed there, I came home for a few hour's sleep, to feed the animals, etc.

Dad was confused for most of the time, and in pain, but he did say three things clearly to me -
first, that he is waiting for Mum to come and take him home and he wants to go with her. I told him I knew he wanted that, knew how much he had missed her, and that it was ok for him to be with her. Second, he wanted me to 'go to the drawer, get it checked' - I know the drawer he means, and what he wants me to do - its his will he's talking about, and wants me to contact his solicitor - I promised him I would, when the time came. Third - he pointed to the photos of Kurt and Emily, Julie, Fiona, on his photo wall, smiled, said 'love them, tell them', and when i promised him I would, he smiled and relaxed.

I can do no more for Dad than to be with him, but as the wonderful staff said last night, this may take a number of days, and I need to take time away from him when its ok to do so in order to be able to do all that needs to be done after he has 'gone home with Mum'. We had many long discussions after Mum passed away about how he wanted to just be allowed to go when his time came, that he hated the thought of being kept alive when there was no hope of of a normal healthy life. I was asked by the staff 'how procative' I wanted them to be, told them it was his decision to be allowed to slip away peacefully, that I wouldn't want to go against his wishes.

Other than a half hour visit from my sister and her husband, and one by Mum's brother and his wife, no one has been to see Dad or me since Dad had his first stroke. The reason? My sister has convinced them I have had him admitted under false pretenses, that there is nothing wrong with him. that I just want his money, and both units... nothing will change her mind, and she has managed to convince family of the same thing. Why I mentioned that is the fact that this morning I have to call all these 'family' members, as well as my other two daughters, to tell them of Dad's current situation, to tell them that if they want to say their goodbyes they need to be here as soon as possible. Nursing staff know the situation, offered to call them today, but I will do it myself. It is my responsibility, my duty, and I know Dad would want me to do it.

I won't be Sparking much, won't be posting on teams, but will keep you updated as to what's happening. I want to spend as much time as possible with Dad, naturally, and he is my number one priority.

As things happen so many times, I have to also finish working on the final clean of the old house, both inside and out, because it has to be handed over on Wednesday next week. This too is demanding my time, and there is no way I can leave it undone. I'll get everything done, know that with God's help I will manage to do all I need to, face what needs to be faced, and will be what I need to be in order to help the others cope with what is to come.

I would like those of you who are willing to do so, to pray that what is to happen does so with no further pain or distress for Dad, that he can finally do what he has longed to do since Mum passed away, and go home again with Mum. Thank you. He has been the most wonderful father, so strong, so supportive, so unselfish, taught me so many things by example, specially the right way to live and to treat others, and this is my time to repay him for all he has done for me for so long.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sorry about your dad and your family. We are all here for you!
    2477 days ago
  • LEXIE63
    Sorry this all happened as I was away from Spark for a few days. :-(
    I am so praying for your dad, and for you too.
    Thinking of you from this side of the world, and praying that all is peaceful for your dad.
    So sorry.
    Lex xxx
    2477 days ago
    I'm so glad he got to express himself as much as he has, & glad you are having time to know what is coming & prepare, & know the moments with him are precious. And when you're Mum sees him again, your name will probably be on one of their lips. My dad's old caregiver said one day after my Dad passed, that when my Mom met him, she might have said, "How's Jennifer?" This brought tears to me, as I thought of how they might actually think of me too, as I was thinking of them.

    My mother was from Australia, by the way. (Gympie & Brisbane)

    Love & hugs to you. Jennifer
    2480 days ago
    Thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Both of you will be at peace as you are doing everything he has asked of you ......and more. Comforting hugs being sent long distance. emoticon
    2481 days ago
  • MOKAY54
    You and your Dad are in my thoughts and prayers. May your time with him be blessed.
    2481 days ago
    Men are marvelous. Your dad is showing this. He cares and cares.

    I would let every nurse and doctor and administrator who wants to talk with family members do so! Sometimes we have to babysit the peculiarity of others, in both love and self-defense.
    2481 days ago
    You are a wonderful daughter to a wonderful father. I will keep you and your dad in my thoughts.

    2481 days ago
    Across the miles we are adding our thoughts to all the others, upholding you at this difficult time and hoping for a peaceful end for you all.
    God bless you, keep you in his everlasting arms
    2481 days ago
    I will keep you and your father in my thoughts, Chris.
    It sounds as though he is at peace, and in as little pain as possible.
    How wonderful for him to have such a supportive and caring daughter. Please take care of yourself too, during this painful and trying time.
    2481 days ago
    You are lucky to get the time and opportunity to be there. From what you are writing it seems that it might get really tough with the relatives, if not at your fathers deat bed, than surely afterwards. I hope you will use your spark friends to give you strenght and courage when needed!
    2481 days ago
    My heart and prayers go out for you and your father and also your family. I dread the day my parents die, because my siblings won't speak to each other. I speak to all of them. It's a difficult thing to have to deal with that while also dealing with your father's passing. May God bless you!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2481 days ago
    Your dad is amazing! He raised you to be a wonderful daugher, so strong, so supportive, so unselfish and there for him when he needs you. If possible could you hire someone to clean or help you?

    Your father, you and your family are in my prayers.

    emoticon emoticon
    2481 days ago
    My thoughts and prayers for peace and love, reconciliation with the family and a huge hug to you.
    2481 days ago
    Such a beautiful post, and a tribute to the character of both your father and you. What a blessing that you have already had the discussions about his final wishes, so that there is no guessing, no questions. An important reminder for all of us.

    May God grant your prayer, and may he strengthen you for the coming week as well.

    Thanks for keeping us posted, our prayers and thoughts are with you.
    2481 days ago
  • DEE107
    oh Chris praying for you and for your dad and so sorry .. your sister has some growning up to do and fast ... hugs my friend
    2481 days ago
  • SILLYHP1953
    Oh Chris, I've asked for 10,000 angels to surround you and your dad. I've prayed and cried, am crying, your mom's waiting. I love you.
    2481 days ago
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your father. I was able to spend the last 2 days of his life with my dad, and it will be a precious memory I hold dear. Remember to take care of yourself, your Dad would want it that way.
    2481 days ago
    What a wonderful father you have! And he is very blessed to have a daughter like you! I went through this with my parents two years ago and I know how difficult this time is for you. You are very wise to take a few moments whenever you can for yourself. You need to take care of you so you will have the strength to take care of your father. It is very hard to watch a parent die, but I can assure you from personal experience that you are gathering some memories that will lift you up in the future. Peace and love to you and your dad!

    2481 days ago
  • JET150
    You are in my prayers too as you go with your dad through this one last experience. He's very lucky and blessed to have you.
    2481 days ago
    Hi hon,,,,do NOT give the team a thought and remember to also take care of you. Ignore the sisters when U can, and I am glad you and ur Dad had talked about things b4 hand. My Dad and I have also, and like urself, it has given me the peace of mind you also seem to be having around this. I know sweetie, God does give us extra help during these times. Take care,,,,, Diane
    2481 days ago
    May peace and love light your dad's way and be with you. You're very much in my heart and prayers. Also praying for a gentle reconciliation within your family. Peace, peace, peace!

    And hugs and kisses, too!
    2481 days ago
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Having been in a similar situation, I know the pain you feel. You are doing what is best for your father and that's all you can do.
    2481 days ago
    My prayers are with you.
    2481 days ago
    Thank you for this blog. I stumbled on it and am SO glad I did. Your story is very close to mine. My Dad was readmitted to the hospital last night with conjestive heart failure. Three weeks ago we thought we were loosing him and he fought back. We are back to loosing him again.
    My prayer is for peace in your family. I am blessed to have that and my mother is still alive and healthy (so our situation is slightly different).
    I will keep you and your dad in my prayers. Our faith is what will get us through these difficult times.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2481 days ago
  • GRANDMA1951
    I'm sorry you're going thru this but many of us have been there. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope your dad gets the "rest" he needs. During times of stress, families don't always act the best. Get some rest and try to keep up your spirit. Your father will be in a better place. Diane
    2481 days ago
  • SWELL10
    Praying for your strength and peace during this time. Take good care of yourself my friend.
    2481 days ago
  • JANENE413
    What a comfort it must be to your dad to have you to tend to his last wishes so he can rest. You are a wonderful daughter.

    Please do take care of yourself (sleep and regular meals) so your stamina will remain as have your convictions and dedication to your father. I see the love in your heart in your words. May it come back to you many times over.

    I will be thinking of you.

    2481 days ago
    Yes, being with your father is the best for him right now. We will miss you!
    2481 days ago
    My prayers are with your dad and you -he is a wonderful dad, and please know, you are a wonderful daughter to him, Chris! It is not every child that cares for their parents the way that you have done, and Neville knows it too! I am happy to have been able to have known him through you! Take care, sweetie! Normandy
    2481 days ago
  • SAMMY0328
    It sounds like he is a wonderful man and father. It is obvious that he has raised a very special and loving daughter. My prayers are with you and your father.
    2481 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.