Friday, April 08, 2011
I need to recommit. There... I said it! You knew I needed to and I did too.
I have had a terrible month and a half or so. Both in my personal and professional lives. I've went right back to dealing with things they way I always did... by making bad choices and emotionally eating! I set goals for myself and think about how I am failing AS I am shoveling food into my mouth! The negativity that I feel from people in my life that I thought were my close friends continually crushes me like a steamroller. I had a friend and her husband try to destroy me (for lack of a better phrase) over the company that she and I built together. Day after day I felt attacked by them and I can't see anything that I had done to be treated with such disregard. I think what hurts the most about the whole thing is that it hit me like a freight train. I had no idea it was going to happen and it happened fast! From Sunday to yesterday (Thursday) we went from friends to feeling like I never even met them. They never gave me a reason to why they are acting this way. I don't think they ever will. It's sad to think that someone that I have been close with for 9 years would just leave me feeling so used and unloved. It makes me question myself and my judgement. I thought we were friends but as it turns out I was a means to an end... a way to put money in their pocket. Now that they don't need me they are done with me. Ugh!
I feel so overwhelmed by the whole thing that I can't clear it from my mind at any point during the day! It has put stress on my daycare life as well. I haven't been sleeping and the kids have been cranky. It has put us into quite a power struggle lately. That is pretty normal for 2 year olds but lately it has just been rough! I have 4 2ish age kids! They are all in the same stage. I am hoping to find a way to help them through this tough stage... for them but also for me!
Today I was in tears. The 4 older kids were all finally asleep and I was feeding the baby and she fell asleep. The baby sometimes sleeps in my arms. Not very often, but on occasion she will fall asleep while I feed her. Today she has fallen asleep twice in my arms. It's almost as if she knew I needed the extra love today after the week I've had!
In all of the things that have gone on lately I realize how lucky I am. I have an amazing husband, I have an awesome core group of friends that have my back regardless of what kind of things other people throw at me. I do have daycare great kids.. our days aren't all sunshine and rainbows but they average out to pretty great! It makes me take a look at what I do have when people treat me as if I don't matter, It is a reminder that I do!
So what do I do now as far as myself and my weight loss journey is concerned?
Good question! I pick myself back up and dust myself off! My mom told me this week that I can't use other people's crazy as an excuse to give up on myself. I am going to take that to heart. I don't have any goals to write out like I did on the last two blogs. What I do have is this.
I am going to eat better than I am and exercise more than I am. That's it. Plain and simple. I am jumping back on the sparkwagon!
See you tomorrow. I will be back more consistently this time!
Thanks for the support!!