5,500-6,999 SparkPoints 6,743

I can't use other people's crazy as an excuse to give up on myself!

Friday, April 08, 2011

I need to recommit. There... I said it! You knew I needed to and I did too.
I have had a terrible month and a half or so. Both in my personal and professional lives. I've went right back to dealing with things they way I always did... by making bad choices and emotionally eating! I set goals for myself and think about how I am failing AS I am shoveling food into my mouth! The negativity that I feel from people in my life that I thought were my close friends continually crushes me like a steamroller. I had a friend and her husband try to destroy me (for lack of a better phrase) over the company that she and I built together. Day after day I felt attacked by them and I can't see anything that I had done to be treated with such disregard. I think what hurts the most about the whole thing is that it hit me like a freight train. I had no idea it was going to happen and it happened fast! From Sunday to yesterday (Thursday) we went from friends to feeling like I never even met them. They never gave me a reason to why they are acting this way. I don't think they ever will. It's sad to think that someone that I have been close with for 9 years would just leave me feeling so used and unloved. It makes me question myself and my judgement. I thought we were friends but as it turns out I was a means to an end... a way to put money in their pocket. Now that they don't need me they are done with me. Ugh!
I feel so overwhelmed by the whole thing that I can't clear it from my mind at any point during the day! It has put stress on my daycare life as well. I haven't been sleeping and the kids have been cranky. It has put us into quite a power struggle lately. That is pretty normal for 2 year olds but lately it has just been rough! I have 4 2ish age kids! They are all in the same stage. I am hoping to find a way to help them through this tough stage... for them but also for me!
Today I was in tears. The 4 older kids were all finally asleep and I was feeding the baby and she fell asleep. The baby sometimes sleeps in my arms. Not very often, but on occasion she will fall asleep while I feed her. Today she has fallen asleep twice in my arms. It's almost as if she knew I needed the extra love today after the week I've had!

In all of the things that have gone on lately I realize how lucky I am. I have an amazing husband, I have an awesome core group of friends that have my back regardless of what kind of things other people throw at me. I do have daycare great kids.. our days aren't all sunshine and rainbows but they average out to pretty great! It makes me take a look at what I do have when people treat me as if I don't matter, It is a reminder that I do!

So what do I do now as far as myself and my weight loss journey is concerned?
Good question! I pick myself back up and dust myself off! My mom told me this week that I can't use other people's crazy as an excuse to give up on myself. I am going to take that to heart. I don't have any goals to write out like I did on the last two blogs. What I do have is this.
I am going to eat better than I am and exercise more than I am. That's it. Plain and simple. I am jumping back on the sparkwagon!
See you tomorrow. I will be back more consistently this time!
Thanks for the support!!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can relate! Don't let their craziness make you crazy. Take care of yourself, because success is your best revenge. BTW, if you need to phsycially unload some of the anger, kickboxing or Taebo works wonders for me.
    2481 days ago
    Way to get your perspective back!

    Your daycare does sound fun! Yes, the two-year-olds can be extra trying some days, and on other days so cute and loving!

    The baby sure knows where she's safe, and you have a safe-haven with your family!

    As for the "friends", I pray they will regret their actions and recognize your contribution!

    emoticon ,
    2482 days ago
    I love your mom's saying. As someone who has always let other people's "crazy" destroy me, I know just what she means. I'm sorry that you experienced such a bad time with your "friend". Is it possible to write her a letter telling her how much you valued her friendship and asking what happened? Just a thought.... I hope things get better for you! Hang in there.
    2482 days ago
    Negativity and negative people have no place in your life. Although the demise of your friendship and business seems like a great loss it will eventually lead to better relationships and opportunities.
    I love that you are back in the Spark with modest goals. You must retrain and begin again in some ways. It's okay that time stood still for a while on your weight loss progress as long as you are ready to dust yourself off and get back to it.
    You can do anything you put your mind to! Believe it and achieve it, my friend!
    2482 days ago
    She is pretty AWESOME! She is great when it is time to put things in perspective!
    2482 days ago
    You've got a smart mom there! Glad you're not giving up on yourself.

    You *can* do it!

    2482 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.