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I have forgotten the WHY of weight loss.

Monday, April 04, 2011

So..... I've had a tough couple of days. This journey has been very long and after two years I'm finding myself more frustrated then ever. I was reminded of another time when I had a big goal that turned into a situation in which the journey was so difficult that the end result was not worth it. I wanted to be a CPA, applied thinking I was good to go for the exam and was told that I hadn't met the criteria. I was devestated but "persevered" and ended up spending a fortune on another degree only to be told no 18 months later when I AGAIN applied.

So I gave up. But that's an oversimplification. The truth was I became so OBSESSED with this goal that I was making myself miserable and comletely forgot why I wanted a CPA in the first place - to get a better career.

Well, I "gave up" on the CPA and guess what? I have a better career! And I'm more relaxed and happy.

I think I am now doing the same thing with my health. I am obessed with the scale because just like having a CPA is a mark of having a good career having a weight of 128 lbs (my goal that I hit little over a year ago) is a mark of good health. But I don't feel at all healthy. I hate tracking food, I hate weigh ins and I yoyo the same 5-10 lbs each month, sometimes within a week. Yeah, I've gained at my worst 8 lbs. in ONE WEEK.

I think this goal weight has to go where the CPA has gone. Today is that I am putting away the scale, keeping a journal and focusing on what I SHOULD eat and HOW I FEEL. No more 5-6 days of eating 100% to plan and then 3 days of binging and guilt. Each day I will eat to feel my best. If I am hungry, I will have a snack and not worry about going over my calories. If I'm not hungry, I won't eat. I don't HAVE to eat something so I'm not "hungry later" If I'm hungry later, I can eat later. Yeesh. Just typing that I realize how crazy this has become, lol!

This is going to be hard though. I like to quantify things (accounting major, lol!) and measure my success that way. But it's really hurting me so I need to do this for me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh! (forgot something after my LOOOOOOOOONG previous post...LOL)
    What really works for me about the food choices is this:
    Anytime I'll eat I ask one simple question to myself:
    Is this food going to bring me life? or is it going to kill me inside? It makes a lot easier to decide WHAT to eat.
    More love your way,
    2478 days ago
    I love it Carissa! that is real courage! Do what feels good to you!
    Guess what, I have been obese for several years (about 35 LOL)and tried every name it I did it.. even Atkins..I don't even like meat for God sake! and protein liquid expensive diet too...CRAZY! It never worked!!! It was INSANE!Last year when I was at 225 pounds I had a major breakdown... felt like I was in the deepest hole from which I will never come out...

    So I GAVE UP. I said to myself... crap with this... I'm going to sing my own song.. So I decided I was going to eat when I was hungry... and I would only eat what I really like to eat... weird me, I like legumes... rice.. lots of veggies.. fruit and eggs... Oh, a miracle happened! I have been losing weight since then... what is most important: I am happy... sometimes I go above the calorie range, so be it... sometimes below... so be it... As you are, I'm all about data, numbers, facts... it complicates everything... It ties you up... I guess we just need to relax...LOL...Let's just take the facts and not attach any particular meaning to them... they are just numbers...let's just be guided by our feelings... If you feel good... really good... then it's FINE...You can be the best YOU no matter what the scale, or the calorie range... or the journal says...
    Just be the best YOU and be HAPPY!
    Much love,
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2478 days ago
    Carissa, I am so sorry that you're having such a tough time right now.
    Everyone's journey is unique. Not only that, but its constantly changing. You have to do what work's for you at any given moment. Only you know what need and what will help you. We are here to support you.

    Wishing you a smooth transition!
    2478 days ago
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