Monday, April 04, 2011
Yeh I wrote in my status update that I was getting back on the horse after being bucked off. And thats a bit the way it feels these days. I have had a carnival ride of a past six weeks that has been a lot like riding a bucking bronco through life, the ups and downs were coming pretty quickly and furiously. My main job became to just hold on. So while I was flopping around on that bucking bronco I had to forget about a lot of the things that I was focusing on in order to take care of myself. I let a lot of the commitments around my body go, like SP and the gym, food and fitness tracking and wearing my armband and weighing in every 2 weeks.
Here's the good news, part of that bronco ride was a stay in Michigan with my Mom and helping to take care of my sister. My mom is 83 and smokes like a coal plant. We would cook good meals in the evening and serve them up with great conversation and the evening news in tiny dishes and every night. I would have a glass of scotch before dinner and a tiny dish of ice cream after dinner. Every day I would head over to my sisters house and witness her recuperation and work on helping her get organized so that it would be easier to take care of things when she fully recovered. During the day at my sisters I would graze unconsciously on a little of this and that, she had friends bringing over some sort of delicious soup every day that she couldn't eat all of. I had full intention to head over to the gym that was a couple of blocks from Sis's house but it just didn't work out that way while I was riding this particular horse. My soul new I was doing the right thing and my ego was, of course, judging me for not keeping my commitments to myself.
I arrived home a couple of days ago and had long talks with my beloved who had also been away on her own journey for the past two weeks. Some of those long talks involved returning to our commitments and getting back with the program and the goals we had set for ourselves around our bodies. She was off in the desert with her teachers eating very light and healthy and getting quite a bit of walking in with even a bit of light fasting thrown in as well. I was in Michigan in smoke filled rooms drinking scotch and eating ice cream. She hopped on the scales with enthusiasm and sure enough had lost a few pounds and felt very much like she was riding the horse she came in on. I was happy for her and brushing the dust off after the fall off of my bronco and dreaded facing that scale. Yesterday we resolved to get back on our SP horses and return to the ride. This morning I dusted myself off and faced the scale. I fully expected to be up 10 pounds or so. In the month I had been on my bronco ride I had LOST a quarter of a pound!
Now a quarter of a pound is usually not a lot to crow about and lord knows I am not crowing. But it is a clear message to me that if my soul is engaged in the work it is meant to be doing my body won't be punished for it. My ego had me almost convinced about the hopelessness of it all and to just think about packing it in and returning to old habits that got me to this place, however my soul and body worked together to give that ego a number that wouldn't let him do his nastiness. Of course my soul and body are growing stronger daily and would have turned it around anyway but it was sure nice to see that moment of utter and complete defeat of that bad ole judge, at least for a little while.
So I am back on the horse, tracking my food and heading off to the gym for a workout with my trainer. Body is relieved and Soul is happy