Monday, April 04, 2011
There are some mornings I crawl out of bed and as I look at myself in the mirror I tell myself I just canít do this anymore. I canít be bright and positive and upbeat and all those things that take so much effort some mornings. I look at my belly and even though all those fantastic measurement tools I have at my disposal tell me I am making progress, well friend, the progress isnít quick enough. It makes me want to go away, to quit, to give up, to convince myself that some people are supposed to be overweight. Itís in their genes!!! But I donít. I feel a bit ashamed, a little embarrassed that I have been stuck for what seems like forever now. I feel frustrated that I canít convince my body that it isnít twenty seven instead of fifty seven. I want to scream ďThe he** with all of this,Ē but I donít.
I come from a long line of cowards and quitters. I have been trained to live within my limitations and accept my fate as some sort of divine or cosmic punishment for past transgressions, sins and mistakes. Some days I feel like Iím not good enough to be around all these shiny happy people who are running, biking and swimming half way around the globe. I wanna crawl under the covers and block the sun. But I donít.
I have lost some friends recently and that makes me sad. Fellow soldiers on this journey towards health who became casualties of their own minds and beliefs. They quietly faded into the woodwork. They donít interact anymore. Like me they are embarrassed, angry and some days a bit scared. Like me they havenít learned how to deal with success on any level and they often feel foolish. So they quietly leave. I donít always notice right away. Then one day I wonder, ďWhat ever became ofÖÖÖÖĒ
Some have reached their goals and couldnít hang on and the pain is too great. Some have tried and tried and tried and just couldnít make it. So they leave. I wonít go anywhere. Iíll be dam&*d if I run myself off.
Iím not writing this to receive. Iím writing this to give. Somewhere, someone is going to read this and wonder how I knew you were just about ready to give up because you used all of the energy you believed was inside of you. Someone may pass this on to you and urge you to read it.
Donít leave, donít quit, donít give up. Iím here and so are, oh about a million other people and we have all felt the same things from time to time but we havenít given up. This march towards health and self-esteem isnít always the most exciting but in the end it is the most rewarding. This Spark process works. I am proof it works simply because I am still here. This ist a diet. Diets encourage failure. It is an incremental life change that isnít always fun.
Take a good look around you. There are millions of us that feel the same way you do every day. Do me a favor, please? If today was the day you were going to leave, quit or give up, postpone that decision for one more day, print this out, put it on your fridge and commit to taking care of today. When you get up tomorrow congratulate yourself for making it one more day. I promise you it will work.
I can never have enough friends