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    KITHKINCAID   38,693
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints

When It Gets Easy

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Thursday, March 31, 2011

I've been in a weird and wonderful place for the past few weeks. But much like Alice's venture down the rabbit hole, it hasn't come without apprehension, fumbling around, and quite honestly, a deep seeded fear.

I find myself these days in that mythical place that every morbidly obese person only dreams is possible, but never expects to find. The place where all of a sudden, all of "this" just gets...well...easy.

I pack my lunches and prep my dinners, I have my running schedule, and Zumba classes and swimming nights, I'm managing at my job and not worried about what might happen if a cake shows up at the office, and I have my general plan for the week and how it's going to turn out - and most of the time, I'm not that far off. I'm LIVING! I'm living my life and nothing hurts. Nothing seems unmanageable, or insurmountable, or impossible. In fact, spring has sprung and everything is pretty damn peachy. Holy optimism, Batman!

And yet somehow I feel that just putting all that optimism and good sentiment down in writing makes me as vulnerable as a new blade of grass, ready to be crushed by a big, fat, farmer's boot. I feel like putting it out there in the world makes it possible for someone to take it away from me.

But only for a split second. Because deep down I know that no one's taking anything from me, because I'm not in a place anymore where I'm going to let them have it. I like my "easy". I've grown very fond of my "easy" and I'm getting quite comfortable in it. So to those that want to take away my "easy" I say - GO GET YOUR OWN EASY!!!

One of the major things that always held me back from losing weight and keeping it off in the past was this idea of "easy". I didn't think it was possible. And because it was so unattainable in my mind, I figured it was pointless to even try working towards it. It was too far in the distance to be seen - it could only be imagined. But that's the difference with Spark and the idea of taking baby steps. Not focusing too hard on the distant future and what it might or might not look like. For me, I know that I'm about to enter totally uncharted territory as far as my weight is concerned. But there's an ease that comes with that too because every day I live right now, I know that all I'm doing is taking it one day at a time, and that's all that matters. That's all I can control. Today is mine. Tomorrow will be mine tomorrow, and not until. And 20, 30, 50 pounds from now, I'm still going to be living - one day at a time. (And hopefully with as much ease as I've learned to enjoy these past few weeks).

It was also a shock to me to learn that exercise could also be easy - and that that's also OK! It's ok to "only run 3 miles" and then stop. That's putting in your time. You don't have to kill yourself with sweat every single day to be successful here. That's not a sustainable way of life. But that's also not the easiest fact to digest. As fat people, it is somehow drilled into our subconscious on a daily basis that the only way we are ever going to succeed in weight loss is to remove ourselves from the rest of the world, check into a ranch for 6 months, work out 8+ hours a day and eat 1200 or fewer calories to compensate for it. I'd like to say I'm living proof that that method couldn't be further from the truth. Especially if you can't afford to take a 6 month leave of absence from YOUR LIFE.

When you do it like that - check out for weeks on end to "deal with the weight" - integration back into a normal existence is often extremely unsuccessful. Your life is happening now - all of it. You can't just put certain pieces of it on hold to go deal with other more pressing issues, because what then happens is that the stuff you put on hold becomes the pressing issue. You have to live the whole thing - all at once. It isn't always pretty, but at least then the pieces all move together.

I have learned that I don't lose weight when I'm stressed about an issue with a significant other. Why? Because the weight part of my life is waiting for the relationship part of my life to catch up. I am one unit. All of my parts move together. Once I deal with the issue that's bothering me, I see a drop on the scale. And it's happened like that over and over and over again. Enough for me to know that this is now a truth with me. My psychological issues are intrinsically tied to my weight (and the gain or loss thereof). Learning to live a COMPLETE life with ease means that eventually my body will find it's own ease and will settle at a weight that is comfortable. And THAT'S a faith that I can get behind and continue to believe in.

8 weeks ago I dropped a day of running in my schedule in order to take a salsa dancing class. Calorie wise - they don't compare. I can burn up to 700 calories in one of my regular 2-5 mile runs, the salsa class burned maybe 200-300 calories if I was dancing all the time. But that salsa class was FUN. I made new friends and had a great time socializing. I also dropped 9 pounds in those 8 weeks - even without the running. I'd like to think it's because I was getting my social life in order, which is undeniably a huge component in everyone's daily existence.

Lesson learned? It's about the sweat, but not all of the time. It's also about the food and the friends and the job and the love life. It's about asserting yourself and taking what YOU want from life because when you feed yourself with what you REALLY want, you're not hungry all the time.

I'm a self-confessed, classic, overachiever. I have always defined myself by my accomplishments and how hard I had to push myself to get there. I took pride in my sacrifices. The greater the sacrifice the greater the achievement. But ultimately what I ended up sacrificing was myself. I was a person with a bunch of achievements but no real sense of who I was. I didn't have my "easy," and I certainly didn't have enough to show for all my accomplishments to fill in the missing pieces of the person that I needed to be.

It is only recently that I've learned that REFUSING to sacrifice is the bigger struggle and the tougher (and more worthwhile) accomplishment. That pulling ALL of my pieces along together, kicking and screaming and dragging them into existence, is what leads you to the "easy." Fighting the urges to kill yourself daily with strenuous exercise and lack of proper sustenance, both in actual food and meaningful personal relationships and a satisfying career, is the real challenge. Finding the "easy" is actually...really damn hard!

But it's worth it. And that's why we do it. Because it DOES exist. And you may be closer to it than you think.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LOVEMYROTTI 5/2/2011 9:21AM

    Love This Blog...............................

"THANK YOU" emoticon

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DANCINGBRAVE 4/17/2011 10:22AM

    This is such a great blog. Not only does the unattainable become attainable, it is actually within our grasp. The integration thing is diffucult but we have to make it work. Thank you for this.

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HEALTHRAY1 4/7/2011 1:49PM

  thank you very much for this blog....i WILL keep searching for that easy! emoticon

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STRUMERCAT 4/7/2011 11:20AM

    Thank you for taking the time to share this. So much of what you express rings true. Great job!

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MAKALANI22 4/6/2011 8:59PM

    Wow. Amazing blog! Thank you for this. I totally agree that everything is interconnected within us and have seen the same phenomenon on the scale when I've dealt with issues/written/etc.

Keep up the great work!

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MKARNOLD96 4/5/2011 10:20PM

  You are speaking my language, sister! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights!

Way 2 Go!! Wishing you continued success on your journey!

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WEDDLEACE 4/5/2011 10:56AM

  GREAT blog!! Thanks for sharing!

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BIGOLEDIVA 4/5/2011 2:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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4EVER21B 4/5/2011 2:11AM


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TTARANTINO225 4/4/2011 3:22PM

  What an awesome blog. Thank you for sharing.

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ARGYLE-RUNNER 4/4/2011 1:58PM

    thank you for sharing - just what I needed today :)

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LETSLOSE11 4/4/2011 1:40AM

    I love your blog. Everything you said really makes sense. Keep up the great work.


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RUTHDEN1 4/4/2011 1:10AM

    Thanks for posting. So true. emoticon

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35MOM2 4/3/2011 11:49PM

    thank you for posting.......

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BARBRUN 4/3/2011 9:11PM

    Good for you. Glad to hear it is easy and that you are the one making it easy. It's all in your hands, your brain and your attitude. It's great to mix it up and have fun. Live life to it's fullest - the easy way. emoticon

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    Oh ...what a great blog ! So much of this rang true for me too. Thanks soooo much !

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    Great post! Thank you for posting!

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TRAVELGRRL 4/3/2011 8:39PM

    You've really given me a lot to think about. Thanks for writing this blog, because it really, really makes sense.

I know I've worked pretty d*mn hard in the past, but I was working against my body and not with it. And that can't work.

Thanks for putting some of your lessons into writing for the rest of us to learn from!

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CHATTIEGIRL 4/3/2011 8:18PM


Living life is a lot of ups and downs and as long as we go with the flow and have more good days than bad it will be great. The journey that we are on is always changing as our body changes and we look at life in a different respective. Continue with accomplishing your healthy life style. God bless and keep you safe. Learn from Spark people each day to help us along.


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MERRIKATE 4/3/2011 6:43PM

    Wow and WHEW! -- thanks so much for addressing and neatly dispatching the lurking fear of the Easy's evaporating if we dare identify it out loud -- that has haunted me too, till now.

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LMMIMI 4/3/2011 6:41PM

    Great Blog - Thank You! emoticon emoticon

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JILLTBNAGART 4/3/2011 5:47PM

    Thank you!

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FUSCHIA6 4/3/2011 5:33PM

    I love it! Thank you!

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RUNANDRUN 4/3/2011 1:09PM

  So agree with you! It's easy to figure it all out in your head, but to actually live it? Hard, but so worth it.

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BELLEFAITH42 4/3/2011 12:38PM

    Incredibly insightful and just plain brilliant!

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BACKINNB 4/3/2011 10:39AM

    emoticon WOW you have answered alot of unasked questions. I wonder if it becomes easy if that means I am (a) not working hard enough now or (b) if i need to step it up. Thank you for assuring me that Easier does not mean less it actually means so much more......

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RAGIONERE 4/3/2011 10:22AM

  Great post! Thank you for articulating something that is often difficult to find the words to express!

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PAULINE1123 4/3/2011 8:53AM


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MOTHERUV2 4/3/2011 8:44AM

    You are right on the mark! I think for most of us the "easy" is right there.......within front of our noses....but it is buried in all of the muddle that you described above. What I got from your post is LIVE LIFE, BE HAPPY, DEAL WITH WHAT COMES ALONG AND THEN MOVE ON....that's when we'll find our "easy". Thanks so much for putting it into words that explain it so well. I am celebrating you today and the fact that you are in a good place!


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JPRICE217 4/3/2011 8:38AM

    Great blog emoticon

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GRANDMABEAST63 4/3/2011 8:14AM

    Love this ! Thanks for sharing:)

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USE2BWILD 4/3/2011 2:25AM

    Babe!! Have you ever read Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evonovich? (fun books) I just had to call you Babe!! (a huge compliment.) You are spot on!! This is beautifully written and very inspiring!! Your profile picture is adorable! Congratulations on your amazing journey! Continued success and much happiness to you! From, mcgee emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DWILCZKO 4/3/2011 12:45AM


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TOTALFOCUS 4/2/2011 11:25PM

    Great Blog!

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    Great blog.. best part? "Lesson learned? It's about the sweat, but not all of the time. It's also about the food and the friends and the job and the love life. It's about asserting yourself and taking what YOU want from life because when you feed yourself with what you REALLY want, you're not hungry all the time. "... sooooooo needed that!! bookmarking this one for sho!


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1WOMANCRUSADE 4/2/2011 8:24PM

    Well said. I never believed "easy" was possible either, but after trying for so long I finally found it too. And its not just about food but the whole thing, being balanced, loving ourselves and living! Thanks for putting it out there. Great blog! And great success to you.

emoticon emoticon

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    AWESOME!! This is EXACTLY where I am in my journey too- right up to the "psychological reasons" for holding weight! I jsut wrote a similar, yet not nearly as well written blog, about how this is working for me. I sooooo agree with the holistic look at our health! GReat work on your journey! Keep it up! emoticon

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CORTYB 4/2/2011 6:50PM

  Thank's for sharing emoticon

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LANI62 4/2/2011 4:50PM

  Today is my first day and WOW!! You hit the nail on the head with balance in your life and how it effects your body. Great explanation..Keep up the good work!!


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LEIAFRUMA 4/2/2011 2:49PM

  Wow. Thank you for sharing this!

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BLUE_KARMA 4/2/2011 1:17PM

    This essay is almost as fantastic as *you* are!!! Thank you for sharing.

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    Excellent post....Thanks for sharing....

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TURTLERASKIN 4/2/2011 12:25PM

    This is just what I needed to hear; congratulations on all your hard work!

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NANCYE43 4/2/2011 12:25PM

    Thanks for laying it all out there so clearly. I've experienced the same thing - when everything is in balance in my life, and when things are not. I'm looking for that balance now.

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PATTK1220 4/2/2011 12:25PM

    Easy is good! Thanks for sharing your great story!


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RIPLEIGH_MICH 4/2/2011 11:50AM

    Great post!

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IRISHLASS117 4/2/2011 11:23AM

    You've built yourself a nice place to live, Bravo!

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GRNBTL 4/2/2011 8:54AM


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TEENY_BIKINI 4/2/2011 8:31AM

    Right on!

I like easy :)


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ABRAMOS913 4/2/2011 8:12AM

  Reading this could not have come at a better time. Thank you. emoticon

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Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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