Thursday, March 31, 2011
I love new beginnings. Everything is so fresh and clean. There are opportunities to act differently and look at life with new eyes. I am on the train going back to UCSB for the last quarter of the school year. Today is the last day of my spring break. I feel relaxed and ready to finish up my second year of college. Over break, I spent most of my time with Anthony. I saw my family. I got a wonderful massage from my favorite massage therapist at Massage Envy, as well as a facial. I feel as if Iím glowing, which is odd, because usually when Iím travelling, I feel grimy and gross. Unfortunately, I wasnít able to exercise more than once this week. My body feels flabby and neglectedÖ I realize that I canít get fat in one week of not working out and overeating, but it just feels that way. Iím excited to get back into my work out routine and regular healthy food habits.
Iím really going to miss Anthony, though. He really brought me back from that dark hole of despair I dug last week. He brought the light back into my eyes, the spark back into my soul. Iím rejuvenated. Iím going to finish off this year strong.
New beginnings are scary, thoughÖ Anthony and I are in a transition period, which has to do with me being in a transition period. To quote Britney Spears, ďIím not a girl, not yet a woman.Ē Itís true! Iím not a kid anymore. Iím away from home, taking care of myself. Iím probably healthier on my own than I ever was when I lived with my parents. Iím at college, learning things Iíll use in the future and some things that Iíll never use. The point is that Iím learning; Iím training my mind, disciplining myself. Iím working, trying, trying, trying to save money when I can. Trying, trying, trying to pay off my debts. The fact that I have debts is another sign that Iím not a kid anymore. What child do you know of who has credit card debt? This is all well and good, evidence that Iím an ďadultĒ, however, Iím not totally on my own. Iím not paying for college. Iím definitely not making enough money to survive. My mom bails me out. For the most part, sheíll be there in a pinch. Iím still immature. I party. I try new things. Iím not a grown up. I may be a legal adult, but Iím not entirely ready for the real world. But Anthony is ready. Heís ready to move on to that next level of our relationship. If I follow him that means I have to sacrifice this time when I can be an ďadult,Ē a grown up child.
Last week, I experience this strange feeling. I couldnít figure it out. Was I depressed? Was I angry? Bored? Finally, it dawned on me. I was ready! I had this urge to tear down all of my childish posters and get rid of all of my juvenile possessions and move the heck on! I needed to shed that skin. But at the same time, there is something holding me back. I canít do it all at once. Iím not ready to completely grow up. Iím still in college; there are still experiences that I want/need to have. But Iím ready to start the process. I already have a plan for my future. I know what I want to do, what my goals are. Iím like a hot air balloon, rising into the sky, but it will be slow going, dropping one sand bag at a time.
For now, Iím just excited for my new beginning. Iím ready for spring quarter. Iím ready to plan for fall quarter 2011. Iím ready to maintain a healthy routine and keep in touch with my family and friends. I get to come back to a clean room, unpack, stock up on groceries, get to bed early, and go to classes tomorrow. One day at a time, one sand bag at a time. By the end, Anthony will be there waiting for me, behind me will be those for whom Iím setting an example.
Joe Martin, a motivational speaker who does presentations for the National Society of Leadership and Success, say that we need to determine our purpose. We need to look at what we do during the day, how we spend out time. Then we should ask ourselves if our habits, our daily activities, line up with our purpose. If not, we need to change our activities so that they will better enable us to achieve our purpose. For example, I want to be a healthy, socially, mentally and physically. If Iím spending all of my time alone in my room, eating junk food and mentally criticizing myself, I am not doing what I should to meet my goals. Instead, I should be exercising, eating healthy, spending time with my friends, and shutting off my critical inner voice.
So I challenge you, Joe Martin challenges you, discover your purpose through your goals. Examine your habits and change them if necessary to help you reach those goals. You should be spending at least an hour a day working toward your purpose.
Sorry if this seems preachy or cheesyÖ Iím mostly reminding myself to do these things. New beginnings mean reevaluating my goals and actions to make sure Iím going to start off on the right foot. Iíll end with a ridiculously cheesy phrase I still remember from middle school: If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time, donít sit on your butt, because who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time?