Thursday, March 31, 2011
I love new beginnings. Everything is so fresh and clean. There are opportunities to act differently and look at life with new eyes. I am on the train going back to UCSB for the last quarter of the school year. Today is the last day of my spring break. I feel relaxed and ready to finish up my second year of college. Over break, I spent most of my time with Anthony. I saw my family. I got a wonderful massage from my favorite massage therapist at Massage Envy, as well as a facial. I feel as if I’m glowing, which is odd, because usually when I’m travelling, I feel grimy and gross. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to exercise more than once this week. My body feels flabby and neglected… I realize that I can’t get fat in one week of not working out and overeating, but it just feels that way. I’m excited to get back into my work out routine and regular healthy food habits.
I’m really going to miss Anthony, though. He really brought me back from that dark hole of despair I dug last week. He brought the light back into my eyes, the spark back into my soul. I’m rejuvenated. I’m going to finish off this year strong.
New beginnings are scary, though… Anthony and I are in a transition period, which has to do with me being in a transition period. To quote Britney Spears, “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” It’s true! I’m not a kid anymore. I’m away from home, taking care of myself. I’m probably healthier on my own than I ever was when I lived with my parents. I’m at college, learning things I’ll use in the future and some things that I’ll never use. The point is that I’m learning; I’m training my mind, disciplining myself. I’m working, trying, trying, trying to save money when I can. Trying, trying, trying to pay off my debts. The fact that I have debts is another sign that I’m not a kid anymore. What child do you know of who has credit card debt? This is all well and good, evidence that I’m an “adult”, however, I’m not totally on my own. I’m not paying for college. I’m definitely not making enough money to survive. My mom bails me out. For the most part, she’ll be there in a pinch. I’m still immature. I party. I try new things. I’m not a grown up. I may be a legal adult, but I’m not entirely ready for the real world. But Anthony is ready. He’s ready to move on to that next level of our relationship. If I follow him that means I have to sacrifice this time when I can be an “adult,” a grown up child.
Last week, I experience this strange feeling. I couldn’t figure it out. Was I depressed? Was I angry? Bored? Finally, it dawned on me. I was ready! I had this urge to tear down all of my childish posters and get rid of all of my juvenile possessions and move the heck on! I needed to shed that skin. But at the same time, there is something holding me back. I can’t do it all at once. I’m not ready to completely grow up. I’m still in college; there are still experiences that I want/need to have. But I’m ready to start the process. I already have a plan for my future. I know what I want to do, what my goals are. I’m like a hot air balloon, rising into the sky, but it will be slow going, dropping one sand bag at a time.
For now, I’m just excited for my new beginning. I’m ready for spring quarter. I’m ready to plan for fall quarter 2011. I’m ready to maintain a healthy routine and keep in touch with my family and friends. I get to come back to a clean room, unpack, stock up on groceries, get to bed early, and go to classes tomorrow. One day at a time, one sand bag at a time. By the end, Anthony will be there waiting for me, behind me will be those for whom I’m setting an example.
Joe Martin, a motivational speaker who does presentations for the National Society of Leadership and Success, say that we need to determine our purpose. We need to look at what we do during the day, how we spend out time. Then we should ask ourselves if our habits, our daily activities, line up with our purpose. If not, we need to change our activities so that they will better enable us to achieve our purpose. For example, I want to be a healthy, socially, mentally and physically. If I’m spending all of my time alone in my room, eating junk food and mentally criticizing myself, I am not doing what I should to meet my goals. Instead, I should be exercising, eating healthy, spending time with my friends, and shutting off my critical inner voice.
So I challenge you, Joe Martin challenges you, discover your purpose through your goals. Examine your habits and change them if necessary to help you reach those goals. You should be spending at least an hour a day working toward your purpose.
Sorry if this seems preachy or cheesy… I’m mostly reminding myself to do these things. New beginnings mean reevaluating my goals and actions to make sure I’m going to start off on the right foot. I’ll end with a ridiculously cheesy phrase I still remember from middle school: If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time, don’t sit on your butt, because who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time?