Wednesday, March 30, 2011
It's been quite a while since I've posted in my blog, so I'll try to keep this blog short. ;)
There has been a lot going on in my life. A year ago, my husband decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore and he wanted me to move out. He filed for divorce papers, I moved out with my kids. The first month we were separated, it was tough as we lived in the same apartment. I don't know how people do it for long periods of time (living together after breaking up, whether married or not).
I was always questioning myself - was I making the right decision? Had I truly done everything I could to make my marriage work? I mean, we'd only been married for 3.5 years - together for 7.5. I realized after I moved out and I wasn't seeing him every day and hearing him go back and forth about loving me and in the next breath wanting me out of his life, that I had made the right decision. If not for myself, the decision was right for my kids - my son never came out of his room and my daughter developed anxiety from his treatment of us. I was crying all the time, depressed, and we were all walking on egg shells around him. I wasn't myself for a long time...only you don't realize that until you're not IN the situation all the time.
The emotional toll on my children and myself was too much, so getting out was definitely the best thing I could do for us. We moved out on a weekend he wasn't home - I didn't want him to know where we were moving or when we were moving. Right after we moved, I started working more hours at work, so I didn't have time to think. In working so much and constantly on the go...well, I think it's better that way. Loneliness doesn't set in too much, but it does sneak up on me sometimes.
It's been a year since we separated and almost a year since we moved out. Everyone is telling me how glad they are that I'm me again and how much happier I am. It's hard to get out of the mind set that you're at fault when you're being told that all the time - you feel like you're crazy because of questioning yourself so much. No more of that for me! I decided it was time that I love myself enough to leave the abusive relationship I was in and STOP believing the things he was putting in my head.
My kids and I just moved for the second time in a year...I'm not moving again! LOL Our first move was only ever going to be temporary - to get us out of the situation we were in - this is our permanent home. I'm working two jobs now, so I have even less free time than before, but that's okay - I'm keeping busy - just the way I like it.