I didn't really become obese until about 15 years ago when I was going through my divorce after 26 years of marriage to my college sweetheart . . .It was the beginning of a slow weight gain due to not really caring about myself anymore (depressed) and falling into really bad unhealthy habits. It was the first divorce in my family and I didn't find much comfort or support from my Mom and Sisters and I sure could have used some. They made me feel like I was less of a person being single and unattached plus I had three teenage sons to fully support as their Dad hadn't worked the last 10 years of our marriage. . .
I wasn't really slim even 15 years ago but weighed about 170#s but being tall I think I still looked pretty good in clothes and I then I didn't have any healthy problems and could get around well. For one of my sons college graduations I had to walk the length of a couple of football fields and I sure didn't have a problem doing that. But, now I wouldn't even try doing that as it would be so hard doing with a walker, huffing and puffing the whole way. . .plus my back and knees would be killing me and I'd have to sit down every couple steps or two . . .
Today I weigh 273# and that is after a 21# weight loss with SP. Yes, I was and am not very far from the dreaded 300# mark.
Before I retired, due to poor health, at age 61 I worked for 25 years for the City's Recreation Department and with my weigh gain I must have weighed around 250# then. . .I would always get embarrassed and hate it when they had to take my picture for our Quarterly Recreation Classes Brochure as I sure didn't look like I had taken any of the wonderful exercise or activity classes we offered--I was morbidly obese by then and didn't look nor could I participate in many of the exercise classes as before I retired I was barely getting around with a cane. . .my walker came later.
While working, I would get up around 5:30 am and Diet Pepsi started out my day with usually no breakfast. I would come home for lunch as my office was only 5 minutes away and drink more Diet Pepsi and not eat. I usually got home at night around 6 pm and was ravenous and would start eating all the junk food I could stuff in my mouth as I was so hungry and couldn't wait until I prepared dinner. I would eat a huge dinner and within a couple of hours I would go to bed often with an unhealthy snack in hand. I drank Diet Pepsi's all day long . . . My only exercise was doing housework and walking around the grocery stores or good old Target. . .I was a couch potato for sure and it showed!
When I retired I was up to 260#s and by that time I had two bad knees, a weak back, diabetes, and a slew of other medical problems. I looked puffy and fat and really got so I didn't really care about keeping myself up anymore--and to think I was the one that used to not go outside without makeup on and my hair combed in case a neighbor might see me. I now wear shifts and loose dresses thinking maybe it hides some of my fat but there is no disguising it when you weigh almost 300#s!
As a result of becoming morbidly obese I go around the house in a walker as my back and knees are both bad and it throws off my balance and I can't stand long unaided. If I'm going out for a short time with a friend and I know it won't involve me taking steps or stairs I usually can manage going with my pronged cane. I have turned down lots of invitations to go somewhere because I'm scared that there will be too much walking involved or steps/stairs that I'm afraid to even try. This is definitely not the retirement I looked forward to. . .I imagined myself taking exercise classes such as Yoga or Tai Chi and going on lots of great Senior Trips. . .Now, it's just easier and safer for me to stay at home--at least that seems to be my mental attitude now.
I do feel older than I am as I'm not enjoying life nearly as much as I could. I'm missing out on so many things. . .When my sweet 2 year old Grandson takes my hand and wants me to play on the floor with him I can't--as I know I couldn't get up again. When he was a baby I couldn't walk around with him in my arms and I longed to be able to do that! I want to be healthy to do things I haven't been able to do in too many years . . .
I would think my sons would be concerned about my weight but they never say a word to me about it. I know they want me around as long as possible so they must pray for me to get healthier and slimmer. . .My oldest son, age 37, is disabled and I feel very guilty thinking about possibly not being here for him as long as I want to be. Nowadays he helps me as much as I help him. . .I depend upon him to help me do things around the house . . .
I am responsible for my weight gain and know there are no excuses for gaining all the weight as it is my fault--no one force feed me but me. . .Now it's up to me to make healthy choices every day to be the best and healthiest me I can be . . .Being fat is no fun and it could kill me!
I am so glad I accidentally found SparkPeople. Even though my weight loss is slow and a work in progress I'm finally doing something about it. I usually stay pretty close to my calorie range but my weak area is doing exercise and I know it would make me more mobile and speed up my weight loss. So, that is my goal to join the 10 minute a day exercise Team and do that much and more. I do want to be a success story and get the life I dreamed about . . .It's Up to Me Now but I know I'm on the right track and will be successful--I just have to be patient--it took me 15 years to gain all this weight but I know it'll take me a fraction of that time to lose it all.
I sure appreciate all your support and the motivation you give me. I thank the wonderful and inspiring and dedicated Team Leaders--You are doing a great job! So, it's my turn now to meet these Challenges Head On and Be the Best and Healthiest Me I Can Be!
Hugs to All,