Sunday, March 27, 2011
Walks are good for pondering, and this is what I pondered today:
What is my "normal weight"?
I've got skewed thinking here. There's been significant portions of my life up til getting pregnant when I was 27 in 1990, that I WAS at a normal and healthy weight. Problem is, due to others' opinions, insurance charts, etc. I was overweight. Add an abusive ex-husband who knew how to work my insecurities and I was a mess.
Long story short, up til 1990 I was normal and healthy but didn't know it. I thought I was going through life 30+ pounds overweight. See, for my height - 5'8" - all the charts have a top weight of 135 pounds. 135 on a 5'8" is willowy indeed. You'd need a very small frame to go that low. And I am not small. I am of Nordic Goddess proportion. When I graduated high school, me n' the football bruisers all had the same size mortarboards. I'd love to know just how much of me is skellington weight.
So anyway, Sparkpeople has my goal weight of 188. I'm fine with that. I was probably 188 four months into my first pregnancy 20 years ago. Least I've weighed since then was 199 and that was for maybe all of an afternoon.
I'm not interested in racing towards that goal of 188. I want to do this slow and steady so I can build more habits that will make it last.
I just have these odd thoughts now and again of "what will it feel like?" "How will I look?" What will it be like to be "normal" again? Hmm!