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found that lovin' feeling

Friday, March 25, 2011

I made a blog post a couple hours ago that was essentially me whining about my day and trying to resist emotional eating.

individually, none of the issues were that big of a deal, but it was just one of those days where little things kept piling on to make one massively sucky day.

But you know, it's no longer sucky anymore. Because for the first time in as long as I can remember, I didn't eat to deal with it. I didnt go raid my roommates' stashes of chocolate or snacks. I didn't eat an entire box of cereal like I would've normally done (slight exaggeration.. but not really. love cereal). Instead, I saved myself probably at least 300 calories. I did have a few strawberries, but that was it.

And what's even better? Instead of eating, I went and worked out for half an hour. I didn't schedule any workout today, but I went anyway and burned about 300 calories. Not only do I feel great, but, instead of adding 300 calories, one little change made me burn that much. I like looking at things in numbers, so basically, I could've had a differential of 400 calories today... instead, I had a differential of 1,000. Boom.

What's interesting is that for the first time, I'm looking at this whole thing as a journey. Instead of taking two steps back, today I took a giant step forward. And it was just one step in what will probably be a long journey, but what is surprising me most is that I'm LOVING this journey. I feel great. Not only physically, but emotionally. I'm happier than I've been in months. I look forward to each of my meals. The difference is, the Old Jules looked forward to meals just because eating was how I dealt with emotions, and I looked forward to eating for the sake of eating. Now, I look forward to my meals because I'm excited to find new ways to make healthy choices, and I'm excited to simply continue my journey.

I never thought I'd be posting this blog. I never thought I'd say any of this.. I've never had MAJOR problems with food, and I always made fairly healthy choices... but my mentality wasn't ever where it needed to be. My relationship with food, though not completely toxic, was never a good one. I always self-sabatoged my attmpts to lose weight because the journey terrified me. It seemed so.. final. I didn't want to make an official commitment to being active and healthy because I enjoyed my semi-lazy lifestyle and eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I knew that once I started this journey, it'd be a lifelong commitment.. and being someone who is afraid of any type of commitment, this one in particular did not seem comforting. But now I'm actually commiting myself to something for the first time in my life, and I'm loving it.

I feel new. I feel excited. And I feel super sweaty so I should probably go fix that now...
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