Friday, March 25, 2011
I currently watch three little boys at home. I am really starting to hate it. I don't want to be babysitting anymore. I know we could do it financially, but hubby is always afraid to let me "not work" and/or work part time. I've been wanting to ask him about it, but instead I've been just making comments when he's around like, "I am so sick of this.... I am so done with this..... I'm going crazy"... etc.
I've been kind of resentful to him too. He works for a research company, and they are in-between studies right now, so he is only working his part time job of delivering pizzas. He works like three nights a week, and he is home all day. And it has really been irritating me. He goes to bed late, sleeps in late, then goes off and goes shopping and hanging out and doing whatever he wants. I would love such a cushy schedule.
So anyway, today I finally worked up the nerve to actually present my idea to him: once summer starts, I want to stop watching the three little ones and stick to only sitting for the two schoolage girls that come twice a week. At first he said, "no, we need the money." He was actually doing the bills at the time so this was a good time to make my point. I said, "no, we really don't," as he pointed out we have an extra few hundred dollars left after all our expenses. (He makes some pretty good money delivering pizzas.)
I started onto my long-rehearsed monologue: "I want to spend time with the kids. I want to take them to school and pick them up. I want to take them swimming and to the park this summer. I want to get a part time job as either a substitute teacher or some kind of art teaching position in the fall. I want to be able to go and do volunteer work for school and not have to have someone sit and watch these kids for me. I'm sick of babysitting. I can do so much more!"
After my rant, I turned and looked at him. He had tears in his eyes. I said, "what's wrong?" (Thinking that he was worried about providing for our family if I don't work.... he's worried about that before. He wants me to be happy, but he doesn't want us to struggle.)
"I just haven't seen you like this in a long time," he said. "I haven't seen you happy and excited about anything for a long time. This is just so cool to see you with that sparkle in your eyes and talking about your dreams and goals and wanting to actually DO something. You've settled for babysitting when I've always known you could be so much more. It's so good to see you actually care about yourself again."
People, you don't get if you don't ask. I thought that was going to be the moral of the story. But no, I think the moral of this blog is, you are worth it. You can do anything you imagine if you JUST DO IT! DON'T settle for anything less than what totally makes you happy, what makes you YOU!
I've heard this all before but I don't think I really believed it.
I believe it now. Do you?