Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I've had a really bad week so far. So please excuse my whining and my semi-hopeless, "please help me" attitude. I really am not usually this person. . . I am usually much more optimistic. But I just feel like I need to vent a little and I do need some help from my spark friends and teams.
For the last two weeks, I've been lingering right over 140 pounds. On any given day, I'm as high as 143 or as low as 140. And I've been thinking that I might be done losing weight. I'm within my healthy BMI range, I feel so much healthier and I'm just not sure I feel any major pressure or push to be 135lbs. If it happens, great. If not, I think that's ok too. I think I need to tone up some areas still but weight wise, I feel pretty good. Also, I'm realizing that I need to adjust my eating and exercising habits because they're just not working for me. The truth of the matter is, I know how to lose weight and I know I can do it. But I usually go about it by focusing on eating toward the minimum of my calorie range and exercising all the time. . . . sometimes for an hour or more 6-7 days a week. And for me, that's not realistic. I need to find something that works with my schedule and doesn't make me feel so drained by the end of the week that I completely lose motivation.
So here's my new exercising dilemma (or exercise excuses). I was used to working out during my 2 year old's nap time but he's suddenly decided not to take consistent naps and sometimes I just can't make it work. So then I started getting up early to workout in the morning. But I'm not a great early morning workout person. I hate working out on an empty stomach and I'm just not willing to get up even earlier to eat (it's the honest truth). And even worse, little man has started getting up at 6:30 for the last week. . . and really, I just can't get up at 5:30 to work out . . . it just makes me so tired all day. And evening work outs are a challenge as well. . . it's my only time with my husband so I try to give him my full attention. He works crazy hours and I hate being busy when he is actually home. And I know it's a whole bunch of excuses. But all of the sudden I feel like I can't find the time to get a whole hour in even if I wanted to. Some of my "lack of time" has been because the weather has been so nice and I've been at park or hiking in the woods with my little guy. . . so still some exercise, but not enough. I need to find a way to make exercise fit into my life instead of making my life about exercise. But my problem is that doing something like walking with my little guy in the stroller for 40 min isn't "up to par" with my prior workouts. It's not running and it's not strength training and it's not burning 400 calories. I feel like because I pushed myself so hard while I was losing weight, I can't now decide that I want to just walk as my form of exercise. . . it doesn't work that way. I'm supposed to be pushing myself further and taking on new challenges. . . and the only new challenge I want is to not feel like I have to run for an hour six days a week to maintain "me". I want to feel like a normal, fit, healthy person. I need to figure out how to make this work for the long run.
Today the scale said 144. I shouldn't be surprised. . . and in fact, I wasn't. I haven't eaten great this week and so I'm sure some of it is water/salt weight. But I also think it could be because I've only been walking and doing short runs for the last two weeks because it's what's worked for me. . . so of course the weight is just going to creep back up, right? I just want to be able to enjoy being the new skinnier me. I bought capri pants yesterday and comfortable fit into a size 6. And it feels awesome but I'm so afraid that I'm suddenly going to be squeezing into a size 14 again if I don't workout like a crazy person that I'm getting stuck. I don't want to be so afraid of becoming the old me again that I can't make the change to maintenance. I also don't want to be so afraid that I start to sabotage myself or over-extend myself to the point that I do start to gain weight again or that I am just exhausted.
I about to turn 28. . . . I need to be able to maintain this for many, many, many years. . . not just until I wear a bathing suit this summer. How do all you maintainers make this adjustment?? How do you become the new you instead of striving to become something better or someone skinnier?