No Longer Invisible!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

This is my very first blog! As I try to think of something valuable to write about and where I am on my own journey, I keep coming back to this statement. “I no longer want to be invisible”. I have always been half of a whole. Born a twin with my awesome sister Michaela, we were usually identified in life as “The Twins”. This began my invisibility. No one did it on purpose, and I didn’t realize it was happening to me, but I see now where I started to maybe feel comfortable with not being accountable as an individual. Make any sense? I met my husband when I was 19 years old. He saw me, and loved me, and that was amazing but also a little scary. For the first time I wasn’t a twin first, I was Chelle. We were married 18 months later and last New Year’s Eve we celebrated 20 years together. I know that somewhere along the way, I lost Chelle. At least the Chelle I wanted to be. The strong, independent, smart Chelle that wasn’t afraid of any obstacle. I began to compensate with food and denial. Food gave me comfort, or so I lead myself to believe, for all the failings I felt about myself. It helped me to stay invisible. After all how many people look at a woman who eventually would be 100 pounds over weight and actually see anything behind the bulges and rolls?

A really amazing miracle happened about 10 years ago. I met our daughter Emily. On Mother’s Day 2001, she was placed in my arms. She was 18 months old, and honestly, I don’t know who was more scared. Then another amazing miracle happened four years later. I met and fell instantly spell bound for our second daughter Sydney. For the next four years or so, I would really try to get up the courage to change my habits. I wanted to be such a good example to my girls. I admit that I really only gave it a half hearted attempt. Fear of failure was convincing me to stay invisible.

Another really awesome miracle happened. My husband decided to change his life(JMERLAU). He walked and ran his way to health, and lost 100 pounds in 2010. I admit now that it was hard for me to watch at first. He really made it look so easy! I was jealous of his success and afraid that it would never happen for me. He encouraged me to take time to work out in the mornings, and he was much more interested in eating healthier. All of this helped me to lose 50 pounds last year! My attitude about life and who I am is coming from such a good place now. I have confidence and joy that I haven’t felt in a very long time and I am sharing it with my family. I still have about 50 pounds to go, but I am no longer burdened with the fear of failure! This is going to happen and I am going to be responsible for it! Guess what?? I AM NO LONGER INVISIBLE!!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I "see" you and I can relate. Congratulations on your new outlook in life and on the weightloss. You've got a beautiful family and you know what? You deserve it. Feel good about yourself and shine your light.

    2149 days ago
    Your blog brought tears to me eyes. I saw myself there, but instead of not wanting to be invisible, I think I DID want to be invisible. But NOT any longer! I hope you don't mind I added you and your husband. You are BOTH so inspiring and I really need positive people around me as I go on this weight loss journey. BTW, I have twin nieces that I love dearly. They're about to be two yrs old and they're red heads with attitude just like you. They have an older sister who's five but she's blond like her mom. Any advice on how to keep either of them from feeling invisible?
    2182 days ago
    You are two of the most awesome people in the world. Thank you for allowing us into your lives and on your journey. If its ok with you I'd like to come along. I have a long way to go and you seem like you would be good company!

    2294 days ago
    Your husbands blog/video was one of the first one's that I saw on sparkpeople. I am only now finding you. I can so identify with you and your feelings. Thanks so much for putting it out there. I would love to read more about your journey.
    2340 days ago
    great job
    2409 days ago
    Looks like your on the right track to meet yor goals.

    That was a great blog. How many of us disappear into the backround by gaining weight? How many of us will find the courage to face those fears, lose the weight, and retake the lives we so justly deserve?

    Your words are greatly appreciated. Thanks for having the courage to share them.

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    2494 days ago
    This is a great blog! Thanks for sharing!

    Keep up the great work! You have done an amazing job of losing so much weight! The rest will come off too! Your daughters must be so proud of you and Jerome. You both are setting a great example for them.

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    2521 days ago
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    2522 days ago
    I can see you for sure!!! Great blog!! :D
    2522 days ago
    I LIKED this, and agree with the others! This is a powerful first post! Guess what I SEE YOU!! Woo Hoo girl!
    2526 days ago
    Your first blog was beautiful! And inspiring! Thanks for sharing!
    2527 days ago
    What a wonderful first post. Congrats on the 50 pounds in a year! That's WONDERFUL!!! You are doing an amazing job. I've been a "friend" of your hubby, JMERLAU, for awhile. How wonderful that you are doing this journey, now, together. I wish you the best as you continue in 2011!
    2527 days ago
  • DEE797
    What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it with us. Wishing you continued success on your journey! emoticon
    2527 days ago
    Thank you for sharing! I also strive to not be invisible. Congrats on your hard work and on your amazing results!!
    2527 days ago
    What an awesome story! So glad Jerome mentioned your blog. Great first one and way to be open and honest. I wish you the best in your journey. emoticon
    2527 days ago
    Hey WIFEY!! I am SO proud of you!! I have lived through these moments WITH you, and yet I found myself crying when I read this!

    I'm proud of YOU and I love you!!
    2527 days ago
    Chelle, you are so blessed. Congratulations on your weight loss, I have somewhere like 80 to go...yikes! Sounds as if you are on the right path, I wish you all the best...for you and your wonderful family.

    2528 days ago
  • ROCKLAND2010
    WOW....thank you for sharing your story. This is certainly the 'fun' part of Spark People, the glimpses into other folks lives. We are all here to help you.

    2528 days ago
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