So last month, I took a roadtrip to see a concert. I hung out with Sparker CURVYMAYA for a day. Here's a synopsis of the weekend. This is exactly as I remember it. I'm pretty sure it's close to 100% accurate.
Around Christmas '10, I decided I was going to drive to Milwaukee to see one of my favorite bands, Cheap Trick, perform their Dream Police album with a full orchestra! I was in nerd nirvana at the thought.
Knowing that CURVYMAYA was only a couple hours away, I invited her to go. She immediately insisted she was too poor to get her own room, and could I please get her one. I told her no, but she could crash on my spare bed. She said she would prefer a room with a hot tub. I told her take it or leave it.
The hotel was about 10 minutes from the venue. But I wanted to give myself a good buffer of time to get there, get our seats, etc. I'm late for everything, but I hate to be late for movies and concerts. Well, CURVY shows up at 0:59 seconds before the concert starts, and then we had to hoof it to try to be on time.
We did get to our seats on time, thankfully. I'm not sure that CURVY liked the seats. We were closer to the back of the room. She kept saying stuff like, "It sure would be nice to be sitting up closer to the front. I bet those people are enjoying it."
The seating was table seating, instead of theater seating, and our table sat 6. There were 6 people at our table at the beginning of the concert, but the two people who were sitting closest to CURVY left before the show was even half over. I'm not sure what the problem was. Meanwhile, at my side of the table, there was plenty of laughing and fist-bumping.
When I said I wanted to start a tab, CURVY's eyes lit up like jewels, and she ordered drink after drink. "Put it on this guy's tab!" she demanded.
When the concert ended, CURVY insisted we get something to eat. I suggested a quiet place, but CURVY wanted to eat in the loud, smokey sports bar so she could look at basketball player's legs or something. She ordered a family-sized appetizer, and then she copied what I ordered for an entree. As we ate, she made comments about other ladies' purses.
When we got back to the room, I discovered that CURVY had hidden or gotten rid of my pajamas, so I had to sleep in my smokey clothes. And then, as I was trying to get to sleep, she said she was hearing ghosts, and she wanted to come into my bed for a cuddle. She said she was sure someone was being murdered on the floor above us. I fell asleep. I had a dream that someone kept taking the covers off me to take photos of my sexy legs.
In the morning, there was a note on the nightstand with what she would like for breakfast. I tiptoed down to the coffee shop to place her order. When I got back, she woke up, and wanted to know why I was 'stomping all over the place'. She drank her coffee, ate her muffin, at MY muffin, knocked over MY coffee, and then went back to bed for an hour.
When she woke up, she wanted to know entertainment I had planned for her that day. She insisted I drive around and show her the sights, even though the weather was terrible and the roads were like ice. We stopped at the Fonzie statue, where CURVY gave the thumbs down while Fonzie gave thumbs up. We went to the art museum which CURVY said was full of amateurs and hacks.
Then we ate Thai food. I think she liked it. Before the food came, she said she was going to throw the salt shaker on the floor, but the food must have calmed her down. She didn't break any dishes.
Then we went to a juggling store, and she bought some bacon gum.
Then she said she had to go, but told me that she left me a present back in the hotel room. As she zoomed away, I wondered what it might be. It was her dirty old toothbrush in a damp ziploc bag.
Thanks for hanging out with me, CURVYMAYA! I had a great time!
Before anyone gets the wrong idea, the basic outline of this story is true. And CURVY was totally awesome and fun, as I knew she would be. I made up all the stuff about her being bossy, pushy, greedy and unfun. It's a gag.