So it has been 15 days since my friend passed away. I found out that he had committed suicide, by shooting himself in the head. Finding out how he died was more painful than knowing that he is gone, if that makes sense. I don't understand any of this... I just talked to him maybe 2 weeks before the incident, and he was as happy as could be. Why didn't he tell me that he was hurting inside? I wish I would have known, and that sits very heavy on my chest. The pain still has not gone away, and I don't know if it ever will. So needless to say my heart has not really been into exercising, or much of anything really. But I continue to work on my fitness just to keep my mind off of Jeremy. A piece of me died when he did.. I miss him so much, and I would give anything just to talk to him or see him one more time. Someone please tell me that this gets easier.

So, today I did my insanity fit test #2, and I did a little bit better this time around. Here are the results.

Switch Kicks - 36 (7 more)
Power Jacks - 50 (7 more)
Power Knee - 103 (23 more)
Power Jumps - 15 ( 7 more)
Around the World - 7 (2 more)
Suicide Jumps - 10 (3 more)
Pushup Jacks - 15 (6 more)
Low Plank Obliques - 30 (11 more)

I feel alright about the fit test today, although I really didn't feel like doing it I got up and pushed myself to do it...

I hope this black cloud that is hanging over me gets bored and moves on soon.

Sorry that this blog is kinda *blah*, but I don't really know how else to get this off of my chest. So thanks to whoever, if anyone, reads this.