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What I Learned From My Mom

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

As I sit here staring at a blank screen, I realize that this is my first blog entry and I am afraid it is neither motivational, nor inspiring. But, perhaps it will be educational and if even one person acts on my advice then I will feel it was of benefit.

Last Thursday, St. Patrick's Day, I found out my Mother had passed away. She died suddenly in her sleep from COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). My Mother was a smoker. She was also drank too much and did not eat right or exercise. She was 6 weeks shy of her 65th birthday. She was fiercely independent and had never missed a day of work in her entire life. I knew her health was deteriorating, but I was in denial and was not expecting for her to pass away at such a young age. She had always been so strong. Strong minded, strong willed and strong bodied.

For most of my life my Mom and I were very good friends. She did the best she could to provide me and my sister with a normal childhood, but it was a complicated relationship and in the end we had been estranged for the last year of her life.... 1 year almost to the day of her death.

Do I have regrets? Yes. Can I change the past? No. Did I miss out on my Moms last year of life? Yes. And did she miss out on seeing her two granddaughters grow a little each day? Yes...and there is no getting that back.

I had heard it from others, "life is too short not to make amends" or "live life every day like it is your last". Well, I've just been slapped in the face with a heavy dose of real life "I told you so". It is actually very difficult to express into words... all the emotion.... all the anger (at myself)... all the sadness for the lost time.... For the lost hugs, for the lost smiles, for the lost stories and just hearing her voice. I always thought we would make up. A year goes by so quickly.

I have seen the quote by Einstein- "A problem can not be solved at the level in which it was created". So during my time of grieving, I ask that you remember people in your life that you have conflict with and do what it takes to move ahead and solve the problem. Learn to live with peace and abundance, not fear and scarcity. There is no refund on regret.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DEBSZOO74 3/25/2012 1:05AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. You're the fourth person that I've come across who has lost their mother in the past two weeks. Such a reminder to all of us that tomorrow is never promised. emoticon

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ON2GOALS 4/25/2011 3:27PM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you renewed peace and healing. emoticon

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CHIKLETTOMIO 4/5/2011 5:08PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Mother daughter relationships can be very complicated and your reminder to move forward and resolve conflicts is inspiring and motivating. My mom died about ten years ago and we had a relationship full of good times and bad. If only I had known then that she wouldn't be here today to see my children grow up... but as queengarlic said it takes two people to create a relationship so don't be too hard on yourself. emoticon emoticon

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KAZINMICH 3/30/2011 5:24AM

    So sorry for your loss!! I think this is a very motivating and inspiring blog. Very insightful. December is when I realized that if I kept living the same way I was cutting my life short. January is when we began to change as a family. I've lost so many relatives between the ages of 40 - 62. I don't want to end up like that. And I want to be there for my daughter. queengarlic is right, don't be too hard on yourself. The best thing you can do is be there for your own children, and offer love & friendship to those close to you. Don't regret, instead learn, change, grow. Accept you are human & make mistakes. Also think of what advice that you would give a friend in this situation. I don't think you would be as hard on your friend as you are on yourself.

I wish you peace & serenity, and a life full of love!

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CYNEDRA 3/24/2011 1:46PM

    Please accept my condolences on your loss. I think most of us have had similar regrets with someone at sometime, but well, it is worse in this case. Life is definitely a learning experience, and we all learn something every day even if it is from death. Good Luck!

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WYOBZM 3/22/2011 8:11AM

    Hopefully time will heal your pain and regrets. Thanks for sharing a meanigful blog.

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BLOOMER723 3/22/2011 6:03AM

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you. So sorry for your loss."The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."

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ITS_REALITY 3/22/2011 5:04AM

  I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. It is so hard to imagine what you must be going through. I'm thinking of you and wishing you strength as you deal with so much grief. Please let me know if I can help you in any way.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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QUEENGARLIC 3/22/2011 2:37AM

    I appreciate your responsibility in the relationship but it is on both sides. My mother has done some really strange things since my grandma died and it is so hard to look past that. Don't be too hard on yourself, forgiveness is a gift often not taken.

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QUEENGARLIC 3/22/2011 2:34AM

    I appreciate your responsibility in the relationship but it is on both sides. My mother has done some really strange things since my grandma died and it is so hard to look past that. Don't be too hard on yourself, forgiveness is a gift often not taken.

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