What I Learned From My Mom
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
As I sit here staring at a blank screen, I realize that this is my first blog entry and I am afraid it is neither motivational, nor inspiring. But, perhaps it will be educational and if even one person acts on my advice then I will feel it was of benefit.
Last Thursday, St. Patrick's Day, I found out my Mother had passed away. She died suddenly in her sleep from COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). My Mother was a smoker. She was also drank too much and did not eat right or exercise. She was 6 weeks shy of her 65th birthday. She was fiercely independent and had never missed a day of work in her entire life. I knew her health was deteriorating, but I was in denial and was not expecting for her to pass away at such a young age. She had always been so strong. Strong minded, strong willed and strong bodied.
For most of my life my Mom and I were very good friends. She did the best she could to provide me and my sister with a normal childhood, but it was a complicated relationship and in the end we had been estranged for the last year of her life.... 1 year almost to the day of her death.
Do I have regrets? Yes. Can I change the past? No. Did I miss out on my Moms last year of life? Yes. And did she miss out on seeing her two granddaughters grow a little each day? Yes...and there is no getting that back.
I had heard it from others, "life is too short not to make amends" or "live life every day like it is your last". Well, I've just been slapped in the face with a heavy dose of real life "I told you so". It is actually very difficult to express into words... all the emotion.... all the anger (at myself)... all the sadness for the lost time.... For the lost hugs, for the lost smiles, for the lost stories and just hearing her voice. I always thought we would make up. A year goes by so quickly.
I have seen the quote by Einstein- "A problem can not be solved at the level in which it was created". So during my time of grieving, I ask that you remember people in your life that you have conflict with and do what it takes to move ahead and solve the problem. Learn to live with peace and abundance, not fear and scarcity. There is no refund on regret.