Monday, March 21, 2011
I realized today that, even though I've only lost 7 lbs so far (pssshhh....ONLY. That's a HUGE deal for me!), I am actually seeing a difference in my confidence and my self-esteem. Not only does my body feel great, I feel great about my body. I actually feel sexy for the first time in, well...I can't even remember. And, although I'm sure I don't really LOOK very different to the outside world, the change in my feelings regarding myself have got to be shining through. I feel like I am radiating energy and positivity.
I actually find myself excited to go out and shop for a cute outfit for this weekend's bout on Saturday. Instead of hiding in baggy clothes, I want to find something that fits well. I literally want to make people's jaws drop. I know this is possible, because there are girls in our league that are bigger than I am and all they do is put a little effort into their appearance. A little planning and a lot of confidence and they are...GORGEOUS.
This is so new. It's confusing. It's like something brand new awakening in me and I must admit, it's not without it's challenges. I still am not quite sure how to handle this feeling. It's got me thinking, "If I can succeed at this (health), could I succeed at anything I put my mind to?" And the possibilities of that are exciting...but also sometimes scary. I'm not used to guys noticing me...or desiring to be with me. As a married woman, I haven't had to deal with this issue before now.
I feel like a brand new person. Maybe it's not necessarily a new person...maybe it's the real ME that I've buried under layers of shame and guilt and food addiction and laziness. Quite honestly, whoever it is...I feel that it will be a journey in itself just to "get to know" this new person. I can tell you this, though...I can't wait to meet her!