Monday, March 21, 2011
Over the past few months I've been struggling with my weight loss. Well, not struggling, but really being stuck at the same weight. I have been playing with three pounds that just when I'm celebrating the loss of them, they find they're way back to my scale within a week. It's been frustrating, but I've tried to work through it. I still bust my butt working out, I still eat healthy. I try to work out more, I try to eat healthier but it doesn't make a difference.
Those three pounds are important because I've never weighed less then I do now. Ten years ago when I saw a Nutrionalist, I was able to get down to 145 and couldn't lose anymore weight, no matter what we tried. She told me that it was obvious that my body was happy at that weight and I needed to accept it. When I joined SP, I set my goal weight for 140. Yes, this is really still considered overweight according to the BMI, but that number had importance to me because I've never reached it. My goal was for January 11 to reach this goal, just before my 36 birthday.
Here it is mid-March and I still have not reached that goal and am ready to give up on it. So, what, I fluctuate in the 140's. I wear a smaller size then I have ever worn, so why am I unhappy with it. I've always recognized that I'll never be skinny, I am not built that way. But, this morning when my alarm went off at 5 am so I could get my workout in, it hit me. I'm busting my ass working out, I'm eating healthy and this is the best my body has to offer? I don't want to be skinny, really I don't, I like having curves BUT is it too much to ask for less fat on my belly, my inner thighs and my triceps.
And as I've spent the entire day beating myself up because I rolled over and decided to sleep that extra 45 minutes because I just couldn't face another workout and struggling to continue eating healthy, I realized that I treat myself like crap. I would never put up with one of my friends thinking or talking about herself the way I do myself. So what, I'm never going to grace the cover of a magazine, BIG DEAL! I will never be skinny, but I am healthy. I no longer wear a size 18/20 but instead a size 6/8. I only outweigh my 13 year old daughter by 20 pounds & she's not fat! So what do I have to complain about? Why have I wasted a day feeling sorry for myself, hating myself, hating my body? How has this helped me to further my goals? Well, it hasn't, but I feel much better after getting all my frustrations and feelings out here!
I will no longer treat myself bad because I'm not perfect. I'm not and I have no interest in being perfect. I think that comes with a lot of unreachable expectations. I will learn to treat myself as I would treat any other person I have ever met, and in a lot of cases, people I haven't met. I will treat myself as I treat others!