Saturday, February 03, 2007
When I was 257+ pounds, I never suffered from the delusion that people weren't gonna notice I was obese. I mean, c'mon! It was obvious that I couldn't fit into a booth at a restaurant or a seat at the movie theatre or that I needed a seatbelt extender for the airplane. Puleez. If anything, I always made sure I brought up how fat I was, just in case people didn't think I knew! Nobody ever had the nerve to say anything directly to me, but trust me, I knew what they were thinking. Heck, *I* was thinking it, too!
I was invited to be on a television program right before Christmas featuring "people who help people". They showed my personal trainer working with me to help me reach my goals. I was able to share my story because I knew that I'd be helping other people by doing so, by telling the truth about what it's like to be obese, by showing my journey, how far I've come.
What hurt the most to do was to admit out loud on public television that, as a direct result of MY poor eating habits (after all, I controlled everything he put into his mouth), my then-12yo son was 35 pounds overweight and at a very real risk of pre-diabetes. I thank God every day that I've had the willingness and the ability to change my entire lifestyle, since my now-16yo son is at a healthy weight, exercises regularly and doesn't have any health problems whatsoever. It wasn't until the program aired that I realized how much admitting that really affected me. I mean, my body is mine to do with as I will; but how could I have not noticed what I was doing to my son? At first, I felt so ashamed and guilty, but then I decided to put those negative emotions to rest. I've made my amends and my conscience is clear.
Nope, I've never had a problem admitting out loud how much I weighed. I wasn't hiding anything by wearing black, ya know?